As mothers, we naturally want to do it all and wake up as an effortless Superwoman. Not only are we trying to just meet our children's basic needs, we are simultaneously trying to make sure their days are filled with love and laughter, learning, growing and hoping we are raising kind humans. Society tells us to put our children first, to make sure you spend every moment with them because "in the blink of an eye it'll be gone", while also telling us that we should provide for our family and pull our weight by either working outside of the home or as a stay at home mother. Stay at home moms are expected to welcome home the family with open arms, a smiling fresh face and a clean house with dinner on the table. Working moms are expected to work hard to contribute to the family, but don't work too hard or be gone too long, because you need to go home and take care of your family. Oh, and don't forget that clean house and warm meal on the table. As MOMS, we're supposed to pack those lunches, mix those bottles, plan those meals, keep the refrigerator full of healthy foods, not too much screen time, spend equal time between your kids, take them to do all the fun things going on around you, keep the washer and dryer constantly going, make sure the house is picked up, sign them up for all the sports, throw those big parties, chauffeur to doctors appointments and friends houses, clean out out-grown clothes and refill with newly purchased clothes for the upcoming season, keep those shoes clean and make sure not to forget the hats, coats and socks so the Karens of the world don't come for us.
I recently began feeling overwhelmed and capped-out and looking for advice on the pressures we face as mothers. Although it seems that everyone around me is rocking it, I felt to my core that I couldn't be alone in this. In a mom group I've been in since having my first, I put it all out there and asked others how they "do it." I quickly learned that I'm not the minority in feeling this way. It's quite the opposite actually. Majority of moms are feeling the same way, no matter if they are married, in a relationship, sharing custody, single moms, moms surrounded with supportive family and moms that live hours from or do not have available family.
As each minute passed, I received more and more feedback from mothers. Some offered solidarity, others shared their struggles, some shared their successes, but collectively it was a space for us mothers to come and congregate in the struggles and beauty of motherhood.
I couldn't not share the tips, though, right? That wouldn't be fair! So, from the amazing mothers that shared, here is what I gathered we as mothers need in order to find that balance we are always seeking. The first and most important thing: DON'T TRY TO DO IT ALL. Moms, we can't. Whatever version and circumstance you are living in, I can guarantee that most feel the pressure to do it all and having that high expectation of ourselves is not only unfair to us, it's unfair to our family. The second biggest piece of advice offered was: Ask for help. Outsource for help. Whether that's hiring outside help, calling up a friend or family member or leaning on other moms, it's okay to ask for help. Think of your very best friend... If they needed you and asked for help, you'd be there in a second. We have to give ourselves the same grace. It's hard to ask for help because that essentially means that we can't do it all, but guys, we are not MEANT or MADE to do it all. Parenthood takes a VILLAGE. Lean on your people.
Other pieces of advice consisted of finding time for some version of exercise, even if its 15-20 minutes. Also, waking up earlier than the rest of your crew to drink some hot coffee and sit in peace and quiet - use this time to catch up on your favorite shows, sit and talk with Jesus, open that journal that has maybe begun to collect dust or just enjoy the silence. Others sang their praises to Alexa or Echo to keep up with the never-ending grocery lists, setting timers and playing some music. Making lists to keep up with a few small things each day to keep the overwhelm at bay. Many moms talked about the importance of not only ensuring our physical health is in a good place, but also making sure we are in a good place mentally as well. Physical and mental health and wellness go hand in hand.
Honestly, these moms shared some gold. I loved every single shred of advice, tip or encouragement I was given. Now other than asking for help, because I think that's huge, I think my most favorite thing I kept seeing was: LET. IT. GO. Dishes in the sink, laundry in the basket, toys on the floor, clothes losing their place, odd and ends here and there, just let them go. I'm not saying you have to let them go every day, but the ins and outs of motherhood we get to experience are nothing if we are always going, going, going. Scooch those toys out of the way, plop on the seat with your babies and husband and enjoy each other's company, whether that looks like an impromptu dance party, playing outside, going for a walk, watching Cocomelon for the umpteenth time, talking, watching sports, watching the kids' imaginations go wild, etc. The list goes on. While this was the biggest piece of gold I found, it is genuinely a hard one for me. Sometimes the mess is too much for me and I just want to go on a cleaning spree. But, since having two kids, I have learned that while there are some things that have to get done to keep the house standing we are NEVER EVER EVER going to look back and regret that we sat down, laughed and loved on our babies over the dirty dishes. In short, find what you need to keep in place each day to stay sane and let the rest GO!
It's true that we only get one life and we must soak it in with these babies. One day, our babies will be grown, the laundry will be small, the floors will be free of color and toys, the house will be quiet, and we will miss it. We will be begging for a child to come running through with muddy feet, naked, marker in hand, mischievously laughing and pushing through those piles of toys (I mean, maybe minus the marker and muddy feet, but I'm loving the visual!). I know letting it go is easier said than done, but sometimes a simple glimpse into our typical day and making small changes might actually save our lives. Save us in a way that helps us to be more of the moms we want to be; because as much as I want to be the one who can do it all, that's an unfair and unrealistic standard to hold myself to and what do we all REALLY want? To be happy. For every person that will look different. For me, I will probably still be OCD about my house when anticipating guests and wince at the pile of laundry I keep passing by, but I want to be more intentional about doing little things each day to not only make the load feel more bearable, but to find more of my happy. So, let's lose the "do it all" expectation and impossible perfectionism and just enjoy this life we've been given. Ask for help, prioritize, save the small things for another day, give yourself grace no matter how the day goes. We were made to enjoy each other and make memories. These hard seasons are temporary but our time and memories are worth everything, unmatched and irreplaceable.
WordPress.com
No comments:
Post a Comment