For the past week and a half, I've been living my dream—kind of.
After more than two years of working at my public library, I finally—finally!—have the schedule I always hoped for: daytime shifts that correspond with my daughters' school hours, along with every sixth weekend (Saturday and Sunday).
This is so much better for me (and my family) than my previous schedule of evening shifts, every third weekend, and assorted daytime shifts mixed in.
I am so, so thankful for this change, friends. I'm 40 years old, and at this season in my life, this really is my dream come true: to work part-time at a public library, supporting education and building community, while continuing my freelance-editing work and "being there" for my girls.
After my manager told me I had this new schedule, I called Stanton and the girls to share the good news. They were at home (it was around 7 p.m.), and over the phone, I could hear their excited voices.
When I got back home myself a couple of hours later, Stanton, Grace and Anna gave me cards they'd just made out of crayons and colorful construction paper.
"I know it hasn't always been easy, but you made it to your goal," Stanton had written. "The library is lucky to have you and we are too."
Grace: "I can't tell you how honestly happy I am that you got this. You definetally deserved it!"
Anna: "CONGATULATUIASHONS...I will be fine at School's In...!"
I'm going to save these cards forever.
The next few days were a whirlwind: I signed Anna up for School's In, a before-school child-care program. Luckily, the program had a spot for her.
I rescheduled the girls' upcoming dentist appointments from "first thing in the morning," my preferred time for any kind of appointment, to a late-afternoon slot when I wouldn't be at work.
In the midst of these phone calls and calendar updates, a new freelance-editing client reached out to me, requesting a 24-hour turnaround on several documents...and riding a wave of adrenaline, I said yes and gone that done too.
Then, as if on cue, a PTA emergency materialized via a flurry of phone calls and texts. ( 😉 ) I did what I could to lend support with that...
At last...in a moment of quiet...I let my head drop into my hands, and I cried.
My shoulders trembled up and down, and tears dribbled through my open fingers, as I cried—tears of gratitude and happiness, mixed with exhaustion.
I had wanted a daytime work schedule for a long time. Hanging in there, until this moment, had been...not easy.
Some evenings when I was scheduled to work at the library, Stanton was out of town for his own work. Those evenings, I hired a babysitter for the girls...and on those evenings, technically, math-wise, I lost money by going to work. Even though I knew that evening was an investment in the future (my future, my family's future)...in the moment, as anyone who's been in a similar situation knows, it's a weird, why-am-I-doing-this feeling.
One Saturday when I was at work, Anna lost her first tooth. My little boo! I wish I could have been there for that. (Happily, though, Stanton been there, and Grace had too.)
Other times, my manager would text me and ask if I could come in the next morning, or the next hour, because somebody else couldn't...and time after time after time, I texted back "Yes!" and dashed into work to demonstrate that I was dependable, and dedicated.
"I respect your hustle, Mel," Stanton once said.
As I wiped the tears from my face and fingers, I felt a sense of...I did it. I actually/finally/somehow did it.
(We did it.)
I actually/finally/somehow did it.
So yes, since my new schedule started a week and a half ago, I've been living my dream—kind of.
Kind of because any kind of change, even a much-wanted one, is often a little hard in the beginning.
Anna and I are still getting into our new routine of getting her to School's In, with everything she needs for the day, more than an hour earlier than we had been heading out in the morning.
At the library, because I now regularly work Monday through Friday, I'm learning so much more. Part of what I'm now responsible for helping manage is our "Library of Things," materials that range from Chromebooks and GoPro cameras to Ozobots and emergency radios.
Um...I'm not an instinctively STEM person, at all, friends. I've been concerned about doing a good job with the Library of Things. But I've been doing it, and it's been going a lot better than I'd expected. A lot of that has to do with my co-workers, all of whom have been really kind and supportive.
Probably it will be a while, though, before I feel confident in my new role.
On a recent Saturday when I was working, some of my neighbors stopped by the library. One of my neighbors is 7 years old (yes, this particular neighbor is decades younger than I am!). We chatted for a bit, and later, I checked out her books for her.
A few days later, I saw my 7-year-old neighbor on our street. "It was fun seeing you at the library," I said.
"You too," she said, smiling. "You looked like you knew what you were doing."
"Good!" I replied, laughing.
At some point—hopefully sooner rather than later—I'll know what I'm doing with the Library of Things, with our new morning routine...maybe with everything.
Until then, I just feel huge gratitude for my family, my friends, everyone who's supported me along the way.
Including my 7-year-old neighbor, whose observation proves that sometimes, you do have to fake it 'til you make it.
Photo credit: Pixabay
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