Mabel cried until she fell asleep on the couch. The morning light came quick, it was as though she had never been asleep. Mabel got up to fix coffee and breakfast. Mabel showered and fixed her face. Everyone was still asleep for which Mabel was happy. Mabel had been struggling since she ended things with Clyde, every day she tried to put her best foot forward. Mabel acknowledged that her mother had been right about her wearing the weight of the world on her face. Mabel was wearing the light makeup she wore in the summer into the winter months. Mabel always needed stronger colors in the winter. Mabel put on the deep berry lipstick and rouge. Mabel stood in front of the mirror putting on the Renoir copper Bamboo clip earrings. Mabel laughed at her beautiful reflection, no one was going to see her, she would be stuck in the house all the time with the children. Mable liked to be looked at, admired by men, and scorned by women. Mabel sighed as she walked into the kitchen, and poured herself a cup of coffee. Mabel could feel the movements of the baby and the swelling of her stomach was tight against her clothing. Mabel didn't cup her stomach in a lovely embrace this pregnancy, she simply ignored it. That is until, Mable had the physical cue of the baby's movements and the tightness of her clothes. Then, Mabel felt resentment.
One by one the family came to breakfast, Mabel serving each one a full plate. Mabel held Fredrick's pills to him. "Mabel, I resent being controlled by my wife. "
Mabel took a breath, "Fredrick, this marriage is about resentments. I resent you leaving me for months without a penny. I resent your illness. I resent the fact that you are not a strong-willed man. I resent my baby girl is the spitting image of YOU. I swallow all these resentments every day to keep it together. Remember this, you were in your 30s when you married me at 17 years old. I am now coming into womanhood because you have forced me to."
Fredrick opened his mouth to speak. "No, Fredrick, there is nothing to say about taking the medication. You have proven to me that I cannot trust you to take the medication. I am not fully sure that you are sick as you claim. I think you like going within your own mind to escape the drudgery of human existence. Fredrick, suffering, boredom, and duty are but a few of the elements of the human condition. I will leave you."
Fredrick began again Mabel shushed him. " Sammy needs to be signed up at his school on Wednesday. I will need the car two days a week because I am not going to be stuck in the sticks."
Fredrick replied, " I don't want to be driven to and from work like a child. By the way, Mabel, you grew up in the sticks."
Mabel glared at her husband's cheeky comment." I repeat I will not be forced to stay in this house. You will be out for 12-hour days 7 days a week. You have uprooted me once again. I don't know a soul here. There is nothing to do."
Fredrick screamed at Mabel, "What you meant you won't have your cowboy to ride."
Mabel slapped Fredrick across the face. "How dare you be so crude to bring up the past. You left me to sink into the recesses of your mind to shirk your responsibility. So you can sulk about taking your pills, but you won't speak to me like I am a slattern. Do you understand me?
"Mabel, you remember Mabel, those few days before Christmas, I am starting to believe that I did see your Cowboy," Fredrick shouted. Fredrick grabbed Mabel by the arms and backed her into the wall. The children began to scream. Sammy grabbed his father," You leave her alone."
Fredrick let go. Mabel threw her coffee cup into the wall. "Fredrick, I didn't see any cowboy. You didn't see him. You have to trust me." Mabel knew she was lying.
"Mabel, how can I trust you? We are married, I expected you to wait for me. "
"Fredrick, waiting for you? Had you gone to war? Were you wounded? No, you were hiding in that playground of a mind of yours. You decided that you couldn't handle the pressures of marriage and children. Mable shrieked. "How do I know….Mabel interrupted Fredrick She wasn't about to let him finish the sentence, I know the baby is mine. "Fredrick, whatever you are going to say to me will only pertain to the present, our current life. I don't know that you weren't out chasing skirts. You are not using your mental illness as a crutch anymore. You will participate in our family life, take your medications, and you will not judge and sentence me for crimes that occurred after you left. I will leave you Fredrick and give the children to my parents." Mabel screamed.
"Maybe, you should. Sometimes, you act crazier than me. The sullen times, that temper of yours. " Fredrick taunted.
Mabel's cerulean eyes turned black as her pupils dilated. "Dare you to speak to me that way. "Mabel said sharply. Mabel threw her plate against the wall.
Fredrick stared at her. "You clean this up."
"No Fredrick, you clean it up and you can take care of the kids today since I am such a bad mother. It is my turn to retreat. I will be reading The Beautiful and the Damned."
The couple didn't notice or comfort the sobbing children. The children were like ghosts to their parents. Sammy and Becky sobbed as they swallowed their food through their heavy throats.
Mabel true to her word did not participate in the house. The household moved through the workings of an inept father trying to care for children. The house took on the smells of burnt food, the sounds of Becky being stuck with diaper pins, and the sweeping up of broken dishes.
Mabel read into the dark of night as though she was in another time and place. Mabel thought to give her husband his medication. Fredrick took it. Mabel and Fredrick had struck a silent stalemate. Mabel and Fredrick sought that day to cut each other to the core and they had each won in the brutal emotional combat. Mabel and Fredrick went directly to bed. Each made a deliberate effort not to touch the other. It was in those last moments before sleep took over the mind that Fredrick and Mabel decided they hated each other. Now, it was a matter of who would make the other the most miserable.
