Five Things That Can Make a Big Impact
When I had my children my friends were surprised. As an undergrad, I made it a point to tell as many people as possible that I did not want children. In fact, I had only one babysitting job growing up, and that child I took directly to my mother and dropped him off. As for my own children, it was not possible to do that. My mother had died the year before which made the entire ordeal highly charged and emotional. Because of this, I took a highly logical approach to motherhood I simply walked into the public library and checked out the entire shelf of books on babies. Thereafter I did the same for every stage and I learned everything I could about children as my own children progressed.
Although we know a great deal about child development we also have to be guided by the times we are living in and learn to navigate the unique culture we place our children in as well. Following are five of the things that I did that I believe made a major impact in developing my own children into calm and confident leaders. Later, I began teaching leadership at UC Berkeley so I was able to apply what I taught adults to you children who were coming of age, but below are the things I did before that and when they were very small.
- Talk to them like they are people. I never talked to my children like children. I spoke to them like adults and they quickly had a vocabulary that far exceeded their peers. I talked to them about everything that was happening in the world, current events, and politics. When they were small they watched the State of the Union and I explained how the two-party system worked. They followed along like the wise souls they would later become. When they were in grade school I explained the holocaust and the evil doings of Adolph Hitler. I told them if I find you are ever a bystander you will be grounded and I sincerely meant it. So, they learned early to look out for the underdog and stand up for what they believed in. Their middle school counselor told me that my children were the only Alpha for Good children she had ever met. They were strong and compassionate on the playground, on the sports field, and in class.
- Spend time in nature. I took them to the natural world. As children, they spent most of their family time outdoors. They learned to value and respect the environment and the land.
- Turn them into doers. My children were required to pitch in and help out. They were trained to jump in when someone was doing the dishes, folding laundry, or unloading the car. They were told that sitting and doing nothing caused depression and they must be doers.
- Go it alone sometimes. When they wanted to take a class they did not do it with a friend. They went alone and made new friends. This was extremely important to me because I believed it would teach them independence and allow them to go anywhere in the world they wished to go. Both of my children attended colleges where they knew no one. They learned to easily make friends and be comfortable and confident on their own in any environment.
- Value learning for its own sake. When my children were entering junior high I told them that I didn't care about their grades, but they had to go to school every day and complete every assignment. To me, the most important part of school was to instill the love of learning. I believe that taking the anxiety and pressure out of school helped them to become better educated by valuing what they learned more than the grade they earned.
There are many more things that I thoughtfully did that I believe contributed to the people that they have become, but these are five of what I think are the most important. Please let me know if you would like more tips on parenting strong leaders and also share what you did with your own children that helped them to become leaders in the comments below.
