| Hi read,
How are you today? Feeling like you're back into the rhythm of the school year?
I'd like to share a recent moment I had with my husband. I was feeling stressed as the school year kicked off. Between juggling an uptick in client work, figuring out how to fit in new kids' activities, and all the usual stuff that comes with the start of the school year, I was feeling stressed.
You might remember that I've said my husband is supportive and he is. I went to him and said I wanted him to listen, not to take action. I didn't need a hero. It wasn't about having something removed from my plate (we consistently share the mental load).
I wanted to be heard and acknowledged. I was looking for him to say something like, "That sounds like a lot. You've got this." And that is exactly what he did because of our history of open communication and because I told him upfront what I needed. I wanted him to listen. It turned out that one thing on my to-do list was something he could do. And he said I could definitely handle what was on my plate, but he was happy to work on the one thing he could actually take care of if I wanted him to.
Over the past few weeks, I've mentioned this exchange to a few male friends who all cheered that I explained what I needed upfront. They said this is so helpful to understand upfront as a conversation starts.
So, how are you communicating with your significant other? Do you effectively share the mental load? Do you ask for help that fosters a sense of being partners and not asking for a favor? Do you sometimes need someone to listen and acknowledge you?
Here are a few strategies that help with our communication: - Clarify your expectations before you have a conversation. Say upfront what you want from an interaction. Follow up after the interaction to acknowledge your significant other's actions. It can help you get more of the good stuff! For example, "I really appreciated when you" or "It would be helpful if …".
- We say what we mean and mean what we say. Be direct and honest. While it's OK to be playful and show frustration or get upset, try to avoid overly sarcastic or passive-aggressive comments.
- As for what you need. Think through what you need and explain it. No need to be overly flowery or feel awkward about asking for her. We all need help sometimes. "I need your help with," "Please take the garbage to the curb," "Please change the baby's diaper now." This approach can be effective in dividing and conquering household and child-related tasks.
- Be honest when you're struggling. If you and your significant other aren't intentionally putting effort into being partners, you might be consistently shouldering the brunt of work at home. You might think it's easier if you shoulder the work instead of explaining what you need when you're struggling. Tell your significant other when you're struggling (not if because you will have moments when you struggle). Yes, it will take longer the first time to get help, but it should get easier over time to get the help you want and need. And it makes it easier to share the mental load over time.
- Believe that what you say matters to your significant other. In a loving and supportive partnership, what you say and ask for should hold significance in your partner's eyes. It's not about one side controlling the other or asking the other for favors. It's about being true partners.
- Say please and thank you. I feel strongly that you treat others the way you want to be treated. I appreciate when my husband says please and thank you, so I'm going to do the same. It's also great to model this for my kids.
Feel like your communications with your significant other are spot on? I'd love to hear more! What strategies have helped you be more effective in your conversations with your significant other? If you're struggling with this, how can I help?
You've got this!
Suzanne
PS As the school year is starting, keep your kids' stuff out of the lost & found. Check out my favorite personalized stick-on labels from Mabel's Labels so that your child isn't losing items and contributing to the school's lost & found. (affiliate link) | 
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