My world is spinning so quickly

I lost my grip

Now I don't know where I am

On the road to finding myself again

On the road to where?

I don't know

When I was young, and couldn't sleep from the heat, my dad would sit next to me and talk me into a soft slumber. He always used the same tactic and it worked every time.

He had me close my eyes and imagine a long, long stretch of white sandy beach. It was the middle of the day and the sun lay directly above me. I would look up and down the beach to the exact same scenery, an endless shoreline stretching on forever. And boy was it hot.

My dad would tell me to head in a direction up the shore, any direction. "Go find the small, sandy hill with a stalky palm tree, and stretch out for a nap in the shade". So on I marched. On and on and on and on I went.

I felt like I searched for that sandy hill with a stalky palm tree for an eternity. He would then cue the exhaustion by suggesting that my legs were growing heavy from all the beach trudging. And they did. I actually found myself growing more tired with every mental step I was taking.

The funny thing?

I feel like I'm there. In the sand and the burning sun, but no ocean. No sandy hill with a stalky palm tree for me to rest in its shade. Just an endless expanse of exhausting nothing. Relentless, unforgiving burning. Endless, debilitating exhaustion.

Although, I am growing more and more exhausted with every step I take. From my husband, to my home, to my dad.

Please stop.

I genuinely cannot handle anymore.

Do you think if I were to lay down and just stare at the sky, night and day, things would work themselves out without my meddling? As if life could course correct itself? What a thought.

Funny how my brain works. This started as a poem.

Meh.

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