"Tighten this muscle, down here. You feel it? Breathe in and then out and the pull it in." The physio's words and voice were gentle. "Yes these muscles around your pelvis. They are like a belt. Breathe and tighten".  The gentleness of her demeanour was infinitely comforting as were her quick fingers on my sore back.  For such a small, slight person she emanated an aura of comforting reassurance.    

The patient, me, was not used to talking so much about herself. I had come to see her to help with a back spasm brought on by late pregnancy. Before I walked through the door the day had become an avalanche of "too much". Complaining staff, a restructure heating up, news of gestational diabetes I had not expected. It had snowballed until I found myself high on adrenalin in this woman's office. After the maelstrom of shells and arrows to dodge, the unexpected tender touch of care on her back seemed unreal. The little woman talked gently as she massaged my back. Folding back the tendons and muscles of over-use. Validating the flesh as an entity that demanded care. It felt odd, but nice. I allowed myself to relax. 

Momentarily. 

But not for long. Instinctively my body braced for the next wave. The hurt, difficult, unexpected complications of life had gathered up unexpectedly like a piece of bunched up fabric you can't smooth out. Perhaps the idea of its smoothness was an illusion, somewhere down the line it always scrunched up into complications. You might as well tense against it coming. 

But it was this invocation to try out a muscle group which I previously knew nothing about that gave me reason for pause. It was the belt of muscles underneath my abdomen, now lushly swollen with child, which did so much without any conscious effort. Now I had to tense it to activate its supporting strength. 

I was being called on to practice the tightening of something else. The muscle of self-love in the face of decline, diminishment and defeat. To support the heart through the inevitable disappointment and decay of life.  

Especially important when your resolve is weakened by mistakes, by things which were your fault. When you see clearly how you could have avoided the rub. Eating less sugar, thinking through your actions at work, considering others. Through this the muscle of self-love, tightened at a much deeper level, one could support oneself through all of these. Previously un-accessed and unknown but powerful. Able to pull you up to a position where you feel supported. No matter what. 

So breathe in, then out, then tense. Catch yourself inside the cavity of your chest- when you feel your heart is about to fall through.  

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