I have been married for going on nine years now. We were close friends throughout college. So close in fact, that when he asked if he could take me out on a date, I turned him down three times because I valued his friendship and did not want to ruin it. But eventually, he kissed me and the rest is history. Dated for about two year engaged for about 6 months. Back then, it was just him and I. We would talk and do everything together. We enjoy to do the basics of life together including things like grocery shopping, binge watching Netflix, and loved doing projects together especially home improvement projects. We are both engineers so we have always struggled with communication. Both slightly awkward and both like to avoid confrontation.

Then we decided to have our kiddos. I do not think we realized how kids would change us with our first. He was a great baby, slept through the night at 6 weeks old, and overall a happy little guy. We brought him everywhere with us, to parties with friends, date nights out, etc. God spoiled us and blessed us with another bundle of joy. This is where I could tell my thinking switched.

My second pregnancy was rough. I was on bedrest for about three months due to pre-term labor issues. But I also had a one year old. I began feeling like I was neglecting my firstborn because I was not supposed to pick him up, take him on our walks, play with him, etc. But I knew I had to take care of my second child by doing my best to keep him safe until he was to term. I started to stop thinking about my husband and start thinking only about my boys and me as a mother, not a wife.

Everyone knows that this is a bad place to be, and this was almost 5 years ago. About a month ago, my husband mentioned something to me as if I had already known it. I looked at him confused, like what? You had never told me that? My husband called me out. It was respectful and loving but I didn't want to accept it or hear it. I would never blatantly ignore my husband. I want to give him my attention, but am I too focused on our boys? Do I have too much going on that I cannot focus on my husband or give him any of my time?

I will be honest, this is not the first time I completely forgot something my husband had told me before. I tend to get caught up in my thoughts and being from a large family I have learned how to "drown out" background noise so that I can focus on what I must do. But here I am, drowning out my husband. Ignoring him. How could I? When he was telling me this I think God stepped in, because every once of me wanted to yell and scream and say how dare you accuse me of this? Could you just have told someone else and not me? But God was speaking to my heart. I could tell He was telling me that I was doing to much. I need to slow down. I need to make time for my family and for my God.

Now it has been about a month since coming to this realization. Sadly, my life hasn't changed. I had already said I would coach both my kids' soccer teams. I had already started my master classes. And we are not in a position where I can quit my job. I cannot neglect my mothering duties, my household duties, cooking, etc. But I need to realize I can no longer neglect my spousal duties. I do not just sit and talk to my husband anymore. Once kids go to bed I am exhausted and either start homework or go to bed. We no longer binge watch shows or even really watch a movie together due to the same reasons. My morning is consumed with getting boys ready and myself ready, my day is consumed with work, my nights back with my boys. My husband gets little to none of my time. How do I change that?

God tells us to lay our burdens at his feet. I guess this is me doing that. " Come to me all who are weary and I will give you rest. " Lord, I pray for peace. I pray for rest. I pray for balance. Help me, Lord. A strong relationship with you, leads to a strong marriage, which in turn leads to a strong family. God, I need you. I see that. Help me make time. Help me set my priorities straight. Amen.

To all the husbands of wives trying, I pray that you can be patient. That you will see when she is tired from her day and you go to her and just hold her in silence or let her just talk and you just listen and not try to fix it. I pray that all you husbands know that your wives love you, but they do not quite know how to make that time for you. Be gentle, but call them out if you are feeling neglected. Let them understand where you are coming from. Try to talk. This was the first time in awhile that my husband and I just talked to each other. And you know what? It was in the van driving home from running errands. Boys in the back chitchatting amongst themselves, which I know was the hand of God keeping those two behaving. But we were able to have that candid conversation for the short drive home. It was our slow time, just driving. Have courage to speak up, but speak up out of love.

God bless.

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