Across our yard, hiding almost in plain sight, my five year old waits silently to be found. He always turns his head or hides his eyes. This age when "if I can't see you, you can't see me" logic makes perfect sense will not last too much longer. Since he is the youngest I'm not ready to burst his bubble. That's what siblings are for!

Although as adults we understand that our inability to see someone physically does not mean they cannot see us, when we are entertainingsin, we seem to forget this truth. In a time when I was wrapped up and trapped in a particular sin, I knew what I was doing was wrong. I knew people weren't blind, but I kind of hoped they were both low IQ and blind and that God just didn't care. I had all kinds of rationale lined up just in case though.

"O Lord, you have examined my heart and know everything about me. You know when I sit down or stand up. You know my thoughts even when I'm far away. You see me when I travel and when I rest at home. You know everything I do. You know what I am going to say even before I say it, Lord. You go before me and follow me. You place your hand of blessing on my head. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too great for me to understand!"
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭139:1-6‬ ‭NLT‬‬
https://bible.com/bible/116/psa.139.2-5.NLT

The reality is that God could see me and how broken I was, through and through. In fact, I had the first and worst full-blown panic attack of many to come during this period of time. I never felt God was angry at me or disappointed in me. He just kept drawing me in and showing me that He could and would fill all the voids I was trying to fill with gods other than Him. He would show me that redemption was for everyone over and over.

I had worn a mask for so long, pretending to be strong, pretending to be… not broken. Now, I cannot imagine putting it back on. I spent years peeling layers of pretending to be fine. There is no turning back, no more hiding my face and hoping no one sees. This is me. I'm broken. Jesus has to put me together a lot.

Are you ready to stop hiding?


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