[New post] The post partum life; how giving birth changes you
allthingsgodlypretty posted: " I quit social media for 3 years because truly speaking i just could not cope with being on social media and running my household with our two toddlers and a new baby. Now i find myself trying to catch on so much because i am still living in the y"
I quit social media for 3 years because truly speaking i just could not cope with being on social media and running my household with our two toddlers and a new baby.
Now i find myself trying to catch on so much because i am still living in the year in which i gave birth 3 years later. I never learnt how to balance my social life, work and home. However i am learning and as you start your journey having children, here are some things that should not take you by surprise.
Some of these are not as obvious because you imagine the post partum journey to be much simpler than it becomes at times.
Are you having a new baby or planning to have a baby in the near future?
I have given birth 3 times but i always seem to change everytime. What no one tells you about the post partum journey! Some of these things its hard to tell especially when you are going through them because all everyone expects to hear about is only the joys. Yes there are joys that come with being a parent and some challenges too.
I have lost touch with myself so much i do not have a clear picture of what i like anymore, the kind of clothes i enjoy, the programmes i watch change so much, the friends i keep change, the events i attend changes and my taste in food too.
The impact of being a mother
The first time feels like you have no care in anything else in the world except your baby!
Your body changes a lot
You may neglect your own self care
You may lose touch with yourself
You may need to cancel some events
Intimacy may seem like a chore
Pressure to lose weight
Returning to work
Your body will change
Some may say but this is such basic information. Well maybe but for a mother who has given birth and finds herself in a lonely path of mothering her child and realises that her life has changed so much. In a place where no one easily talks about their own birth marks on their bodies its easy to feel like we are the only ones struggling with a wobbly belly.
It is true that after giving birth, it is like gaining wisdom at times. You feel more beautiful and confident and that comes from knowing that you gave life and the love you have for that life is absolutely amazing.
However as your child grows you realise more that you have lost a sense of self because post partum can be very tricky. You start out so fulfilled and joyful no one can take that from you then you realise just how much you have let yourself go. I believe it is part of the process where you are reminded that your baby needs you to be full first in order to fill your baby's cup. This journey takes a whole lifetime.
You will put aside your own self care
For a certain period of time you will only focus on taking care of your baby unless ofcourse you have carefully planned your self care routine which is not limited to face care. This can be a few minutes you take to read the bible, a blog , a book or take a walk alone just meditating and praying, simple relaxing time sitting sipping your tea in your back yard or catching up with your husband, older children or friends.
As you have more children you realise just how important balancing all your roles is. Your older children are especially watching to see if you still make time for them.
My new baby is blogging so my second born baby told me that i am always busy working on my cell phone and laptop. That was a friendly reminder and i had to adjust how i schedule and start batch producing content.
Among other things that i love so much includes dressing up and it can be so tough dressing up with 3 children with no fulltime nanny( we prefer a nanny that commutes). This is because you do everything for your children and with limited time for self care until you master few minute grooming.
You may lose touch with yourself
Each time we had a baby i have felt like its the further i moved from myself because my time now belongs to many people. I have often found that i had to work a little extra hard to actually maintain who i am. You know more about yourself the more you spend time with yourself doing the things you do effortlessly and be so fulfilled.
As you have children you find the time to do those little things that bring that fire or spark in you become less. Until you intentionally create time to do the things that make you happy besides taking care of your family ofcourse.
It is normal to realise you have lost touch with who you are but its not normal when you end up depressed.
Make time for the things that naturally bring so much fulfilment because our relationships thrive when we are happy with ourselves.
You may need to cut some events off your list
I mentioned in one post that i had to choose whether i had to be a social butterfly or a mom who makes time for her family. As the family grows its not easy to balance between your social life and your family. When there is a new baby in the family, most of the time goes to the little one. It will take effort to be committed to certain events you have always attended.
You may need to put off certain events for sometime until your children grow up. Do not cancel every event but now that your time is limited, learn to use it wisely. It is not every event you need to attend.
It will pay off because you will be well rested and well able to engage well with your children.
Intimacy in marriage may seem like a chore
By the time you get to bed, you just want to go right to sleep. It actually takes being intentional about your relationship to pursue intimacy no matter how exhausted you get.
The more children you have the more you have to plan on your time together because you now have more responsibilities.
When you are preoccupied with children its easy to forget about your needs as a woman and focus on being a mother.
Deliberately set the time to spend with your spouse. You can get children to sleep early at a set time see Survival tips for working moms which can help you teach your children to sleep at a certain time and adopt it as a routine habit.
Then do fun things together while the children sleep.
Pressure to lose weight
I am pretty sure this is not a new thing to hear but it becomes really stressful when people keep commenting on your weight gain yet you have just given birth. Most of the time you are sleep deprived until you train your baby to sleep through the night waking up to feed only. Losing weight may be lingering on your thoughts but a healthy baby takes utmost priority.
Keep it in mind that they will put pressure on you to lose weight especially after you return to work after giving birth. Know that you are not the only one under pressure. We are all expected to immediately look the same as before giving birth.
When you decide that you desire to lose some weight then start your fitness journey. Otherwise learn to love yourself and enjoy your family.
Returning to work
Returning to work is one of the most challenging times after giving birth because you have spent so much time with your baby, now you have to return to work.
The transition from being home 3 months or more and returning feels like another set of labour pains.
When you return to work you find so many changes at times and now you just have to catch on.
There are so many changes a mother goes through not just physical changes and it just feels better to know that these are really normal so you find ways of living your best life as a parent.
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