I am not a procrastinator by nature – unless something causes me anxiety.  Then my default coping mechanism is avoidance.  This is probably way it's taken me 4 days to sit down and write this post.  Boundaries… Something we've spend quite a bit of time talking about this month, but not something that has necessarily come easy to me.  Setting healthy boundaries in a respectful way is something I've had to learn.  And to be honest, it's something I still have to work at.  Intellectually I know why it's important and healthy.  I even know how to do it.  And yet I can get caught up in my own web of people pleasing and self-doubt which sabotages any effort I want to make.  Is it just me?

So what is a mom to do?  Well, I can tell you what works for me.  When I'm struggling to state and follow through on my boundaries, I try to remind myself of what happens when I don't set them (I get resentful and even rage-filled) and of the benefits of setting boundaries.  I also practice some positive self-talk, deep breathing and then send a text or a phone call which sets up a conversation I can't easily back out of.

But just what are the benefits of setting healthy boundaries?  I have found listing them for myself really helps give me the impetus to put boundary setting in to practice…

  • It helps build our self-esteem – setting healthy boundaries helps us to put ourselves first and in doing so it can boost the way we see ourselves and the value we hold in our own self-worth. 
  • It has enormous benefits to our mental and emotional health – when we set healthy boundaries we decrease our stress and anxiety, feel less resentment and rage, and increase our feelings of peace and safety.
  • It helps develop my self-awareness – boundary setting means I need to get clear on who I am, what I want, my beliefs and value systems.  Recognizing that I'm feeling resentful or angry because a boundary has been crossed, helps me to then recognize what that value in my life is and how to make sure people are more aware of my needs.
  • It helps me avoid burnout – such a vitally important thing as a working mom, where overwhelm and burnout are all to prevalent.  By knowing myself and my limits, I can communicate these and put measures in place to ensure I don't become overwhelmed, stressed out and fatigued.  It also means we are able to be more compassionate as we have the mental and emotional space to be there for people.
  • It brings a greater sense of identity and focus on my own well-being.  Setting healthy boundaries helps us to know ourselves better, focus on what is meaningful and important to us and then have the time and energy to do what is important to us.  This greatly impacts how we see ourselves and the purpose we find our lives.
  • It grows our independence and assertiveness skills – and who doesn't want that.  These skills can only be helpful in the workplace and in our personal lives.
  • It deepens honest communication which in turn positively impacts our relationships.  Relationships work best when we are clear about our expectations and needs.  This also means there is often less conflict in our relationships as everyone knows where the other stands.  By setting healthy boundaries we show ourselves and the important people in our lives respect.  In turn, we feel better understood and more wholly accepted.

Setting boundaries may not come naturally to some of us, but nothing worth having in life comes easily.  The benefits of setting boundaries is no different.  Hopefully, this list helps motivate you as much as it does me.  So go on, put yourself first, set a boundary respectfully and see how it feels.  Let us know how it goes…

Written by Robyn