Above you can see, in simplified form, a graphic summary of how a carefully chosen sample of econometric modellers have set out the route map for Avoid Being Skint Very Soon. Designed for the lay investor concerned about whether to short Italian bonds, be long in the tooth, wobbling on the silver wave, deep into the dark liquidity pool, ahead of the inflation curve or behind the music, its team leader Ivan Ugliface told The Slog, in an exclusive interview yesterday, "We see equal merit in buying time, selling pups, keeping your cool and holding your water"

During the nanotechnological analysis of an mRNA "vaccine" recently, this little piece of debris turned up. Our technical team rang the media room at Astrazeneca for comment; Head of Awkward Debris Questions Alfie Romeo told us, "Now lisenerme, iffa you knows wass good fora yoo, juss forrget you see this, eez narthing, cappiche? Udderwize, somabodi gonna swisharoun' the direction yo knees headin'....anna anywayz, we donna haff to tell you nuthing on account we godda munity, OK?"

Everyone needs a munity....they come in ever so handy. Sadly, the baby's milk-bottle lookalike - scaled down 100 times and featured above - is not a joke, it's real. And this munity thing is also one hundred per cent true. Are munities good for the community? Discuss.

These two images feature (left) a microscopic bogey from Boris Johnson's left nostril - suspected of being used in the manufacture of endless bogeymen; and (right) a cross section of Emmanuel Macron's vas deferens that suggests some confusion about where the contents are headed. But they are just an entirely gratuitous and facile opening smear with which to preface some news updates about the Dictatorial Duo's policies on mandated human experiments.

Following up on their huge success in making a complete Horlicks of Getting Brexit Done, the two leaders announced a Pact of Steel between Perfidious Albion and the Cheesy Frogs. Together, they pledged to guarantee the eternal abolition of all elections along with the protection of any person's inalienable right to refuse vaccination against up to two variants of Covid19 and then die in order to save the World.

Il Duce Borisini proclaimed, "People should not misread my intention to renew the Emergency Powers until at the latest 2043. There will continue to be no compulsion laid upon ordinary people to submit to these painless injections, several of which have been highly effective in placating my bank manager, without in any way implicating me. However, recent thorough research has once again confirmed that everyone in Britain is extraordinary except the deeply ordinary Manflu Halfcock, over whom I shall draw a discreet veil. They should therefore stop being selfish and jolly well do the right thing. Or else."

In turn, Le Macrodillo Emmanuelle confirmed, "Every Frenchman and woman is completely free to reject the Batshit vaccines on the basis of wildly fake news conspiracies, and will be wished God's Speed by me with no rancour, and no means of acquiring illegal salaries paid in cash, eating, making friends, hanging around in bars or loitering in Parisian lavatories".

The two men then retired for a glass of Entente Cordial.

Meanwhile, in a brave outburst of uncustomary journalism, the Times of London has unveiled its pros-and-cons-Q-&-A on the for and against injecting teenagers with undeclared bits of metal and graphene oxide.

It was a brief piece.

"Oh bother....oh blow....hang all this, I'm going back to bed"