Dear Drug addicted Ex Best Friend,

When you chose drugs you just thought you chose to numb. However you actively chose so much more.

You chose to give me up and stop our weekend visits. You walked away from our laughter and shut down our late night talks. You and I spoke on such a different level We talked about our graveyards & our broken bones buried deep in our darkest caves. We loved each other in the place we didn't let many others go. We talked about what set our soul on fire and what kept our flames contained. Instead of speaking about people we spoke about why they tried to burn their worlds down. We knew the blood on our hands and the wounds in our flesh from others. We knew the toxicity and the gems of those around us. We weaved ourselves together with deep conversations and exchanging of songs. Yet you chose to wash that away shoving drugs into your veins. You chose to say goodbye. You chose to abandon what we were working toward. You chose to become the example I will give to my 8 year old daughter of why she should never touch drugs. You chose to break our trust and our bond. I know you are sick and hurting. I know addiction is a disease, but it is a disease you actively choose to stay stuck in. I can't love you better. I can't love you healthy. I can't fix what you   actively choose to break. I can't go back and unwind the trust you broke by lying to me. I can't fix all the truth you casually omitted. You left me with no choice but to walk away and sometimes I hate you for it. You painted me in a corner where my child's and my health and safety became more important than my love for you.

I will always love you. I will always hope you get better. I honestly hope we don't speak for several years and I run into you somewhere out and about and you are healthy. I hope find you sober, following your dreams, conquering your demons, happily in love, and with a new best friend that can support you every step of the way. I hope you finally see your value and put down all the pressures of pleasing everyone around you. I hope you are in therapy and truly living and creating the best version of yourself.

I hope you find peace and everything you need to heal. I hope we both heal from the day you made drugs more important than us.