We didn't drive to the precinct in the end. I didn't report my parents missing. Truth to be told, after the accident I had completely forgotten all about it. Instead, Joon and I went to our favourite hangout for drinks. We started with hot chocolates because technically it was still noon, but eventually broke out the whiskey.

"That boy was so young," I repeated for the umpteenth time. Joon hadn't shared many details with me, but his colleague had been able to identify the scooter rider, and he had been a nineteen year old college kid. While we had climbed back in our car and drove to this cafe, Joon's colleagues were on their way to that kid's home to pass the news to the parents. Or siblings. 

I bit my lips, suddenly remembering the day I found a police officer standing outside my own apartment, telling me about Jimin's accident. 

I could only imagine what it would have felt like, receiving different kind of news. Even more devastating news. Although Jimin wasn't the same person he had been before, I still had him in my life. He was still my brother, and I was still able to spend time with him. Even more so now.  I truly was a lucky bastard in that regard. 

"Can you imagine this?" I asked Joon. "Having the police outside your door, telling you that…" I swallowed, remembering how I had rushed to the hospital, completely out of my mind, still fearing for the worst. That I might be too late. 

Joon bit his lip. "I often think about it," he said after a while. "I've been the one who has been knocking on various doors and delivering devastating news to people on many occasions. This is one of those things that will never get any easier, no matter how often you do it. Especially when the casualty has been very young. I tell you, there is no bigger torture in the world than having to look into a mother's eyes, telling her that her child won't return home." Joon fiddled with his now empty glass and almost sent it flying off the table. "It almost feels like you kill another person… like, you're slowly watching a flame extinguish."

I nodded. "It kinda felt like that. When… When they told me about Jimin. But I was lucky. I was really really lucky." I stopped, contemplating what I just said. But it was true. I was the lucky one. Had Jimin died, he would have done so readily and willingly. It would have been my life that got shattered into a million pieces…

Or would it have been?

Jimin had lived on the other side of the world. I hardly saw him more than three or four times a year. Yes, we called another on occasion, but the time difference didn't make it easy. 

Would I even have noticed the significance of his loss?

"No matter how difficult and annoying and a proper pain in the backside Jimin can be, I am so appreciative of the time I get to spend with him. I…I…don't think we would be this close if it weren't for the accident." I clammed my mouth shut. Were we close?

Jimin lived in a care home, and was currently recovering from having a feeding tube installed. Other than a brief glimpse into his hospital room, I hadn't seen him for a total of almost two months. Sure, the pandemic played a part in that. But it could have been avoided, right?

"Would you….Would you mind taking me to MOTS house?" I asked Joon.

Joon looked from his whiskey to mine and back. "I don't think it's a good idea right now. But maybe tomorrow evening, after work?"

"Tomorrow after work," I parroted. 

Joon leaned closer. "And don't even try to steal Nisi's bike to ride there yourself. I told her to lock it in there." He nodded towards the actual bar. The dark room with the graffitied walls, the odour of stale alcohol, and the too loud music that used to blast from too tinny speakers. Apparently bars and restaurants were allowed indoor service soon again. 

"I think I actually wanna eat out the day those stupid restrictions are lifted."

"You and everyone else in the country," Joon laughed. "Other than me, that is."

"You're not keen on going back to normal?" 

"More than anything else. But I'm not trusting the situation yet. The virus is contained right now, because we maintain distanced. There is no medication as of yet. Open public places, and we will be back to where we were at the beginning on the year."

"I don't think I'd survive another March," I groaned, remembering the hours I needed to pull. I liked my current, regular life of scheduled early and late shifts, full time pay, and a weekly load of no more than fifty hours. If that meant forfeiting drunk nighttime ventures to greasy fried chicken places for another six months, I'd happily make the sacrifice. 

"You wouldn't be able to visit Jimin if they tighten the restrictions again," Joon said.

I looked to the street of bypassing traffic. I did like outdoor bars, I decided. "I…I… thought about this… "

"About what?"

"About terminating the contract."

"With MOTS house?"

I nodded. "I mean, cost factor aside, I just don't know, Joon. He…" I gulped, took another swig of my drink. "It's probably the wrong thing to say…" I started carefully, but trailed off, scratching my head.

Joon laughed. "Since when do you care about such things?"

I bit my lip. Since when did I indeed? I usually blurted whatever came to mind. "Maybe I'm drunk." Another sip. "But the sight of Jimin in the in the hospital cot, feeding tube protruding from his malnourished body…Joon, that was a scarier sight than electro-scooter kid."

Joon nodded. There was no reprimand that I shouldn't be saying such things, so I prattled on. "I thought about it. This… I mean lockdown and restrictions aside…but living in a care home wasn't the right thing for him." I played with my glass until it felt over and spilled liquid across Joon's shirt. "I haven't worked out any details yet…I don't know what I will do, or how I will do it, but Jimin can't remain there."

Joon wordlessly reached for a napkin in a fruitless attempt to tap his shirt dry. 

"Sorry for that."

"Don't worry 'bout it," he uttered, then patted his uniform and withdrew his wallet. "Nisi, pay, please."

"Three words? Wow… your time and vocabulary got super precious lately." Nisi quipped, but brought the payment device to our table and charged Joon's card. "S'rry…"

"I don't know how and when this happened, but you and Yoon here seemed to have swapped personalities. It's scary, I actually saw him smiling the other week, you start bar fights these days."

Joon? Having bar fights? I quipped an eyebrow while Joon turned to the exact shade of an overly ripe tomato. "It's a very long and very boring story," he muttered. 

"It's actually rather short and quick. Monsieur here went all big bad policeman on another customer, because he didn't like the poor kid having a drink."

"Exactly that… a goddamn kid." Joon huffed.

"He was legal drinking age, Joon. I check those things, as you know. What I don't do is conduct a therapy session before serving them. And I'd kindly like to ask you to extend the same courtesy, no matter how often you have seen a particular guest in one of your cells."

"It's not that kid again, is it?"

Joon didn't need to answer. His expression said it all. 

"Yes, that kid." Nisi quipped. "The one whose brother is a lawyer. Joon's lucky I pretended not to know him and not to remember what he looked like when the dude actually showed up to question me."

"You don't seem to be too upset."

Nisi shrugged. "Well, hot-shot lawyer brother was rather good looking. You can send him my way more often. I's an improvement to having to look at your stupid mug every other day."

"Did you just insult a police officer?" Joon's eyes widened.

"Nope, I insulted a friend. You're off duty, my dear. Now get your arse out of here."

I looked from Nisi to Joon and back, trying to determine whether they were trying to flirt with another.

Joon and I swayed towards a close by bus stop and plonked down on the bench, legs extended, shoulders slumped. "I need a smoke," I complained. 

"You're not the only one," Joon sighed. "That kid…" Joon shook his head, then straightened his posture and looked at me. "Sorry…I got off topic and I shouldn't have. This isn't about the kid… This is about you and Jimin. So, tell me, what is it you want to do? What do you think would be right for him?"

I shrugged, but didn't give an answer. 

"Look at the sorry-looking fucker of here," a familiar, way too cheerful voice quipped. 

"Look at your own sorry-looking face, fucker," I replied with a grin. "Haven't seen you in ages."

Shop-dude shook his head, sighed. "I video called my Becky the other night. I showed her the new apartment, the new shop," he quickly lit a cigarette, and Joon and I followed his every move like a bunch of addicts. "Anyway, my Becky asked what I did with the stuff we had in our basement." Another sigh. "I didn't know the old place had a basement, Yoongi-hyung. So I went back here to grab her stuff…but it seems the landlord had already got rid of everything. And now I need to find a way of telling her without really telling her."

I think I was more drunk than I initially thought? "Telling her without telling her, what do you mean?"

"Well," Shop dude took another drag, noticed my expression and then looked over to Joon. "Friend of yours?"

"Oh sorry. This is Joon. Joon, this is…." I scratched my ear, trying to remember the name. Both looked at me expectantly. "Umm, Joon, this is…" I pretended to cough, "Shop-dude."

"The name is Jung Hoseok, nice to meet you." Shop-dude shook Joon's hand formally, looking slightly intimidated. Joon was still in his uniform.

"So you wanted telling Becky something without telling her?" I prompted. 

Before Shop-dude continued, he offered me a cigarette and—after a short contemplation—one to Joon, too. We both reached greedily for the cancer sticks. "You see, my Becky will be super-angry once she finds out. And she'll call me a Hanswurst."

"I don't know what that means, but it's kinda justified though," Joon grinned. 

"That's beside the point. What I need to do is to tell her juuust enough to be able to later say, 'but I told you on…' —without giving her enough details to actually understand what I'm on about."

While I still tried to comprehend the information-dump, Joon broke out into guffaws, slapping his knees. "Dude, you should have become a police officer," he said. 

Shop-dude paled at the thought. "I…I…don't think this would have been a good idea." He looked like a kid caught with the hand in the cookie jar. "I think I'm a bit too skittish for that job." 

"I like my job," Joon proclaimed. "It's just that kid that's driving me bonkers." He looked ready to beg Shop-dude for another cigarette.

"That kid?" Shop-dude pointed at me, wearing a massive grin on his face.

"Hey, I'm older than both of you," I protested.

"You're a proper curmudgeon," Joon agreed, grinning. "No, another kid. A troublemaker I see more often at work than I really want to." He shook his head. "I shouldn't be talking about him. Sorry. This night isn't about my job."

Shop-dude snickered. "My Uber is here. I shall leave the two of you to it then. New shop's open by the way. If you ever find yourself too far east, you know where to get your cigarettes."

"Uber? Someone's posh these days."

Shop-dude sighed. "It's three busses from here to there. I'm not doing that to myself. My knee would kill me."

Of course. I felt like an idiot. "Sorry," I mumbled. "I didn't mean it in bad way."

"I know, I know, don't worry. I quite like you forgetting about my disability all the time. Helps me forgetting about it, too." The wide grin was back on Shop-dude's face. He waved another goodbye, then got into the car. 

"Is that kid on some happy pills?" Joon asked. 

"No, that's Shop-dude. He's always like that. I think he has rainbows and sunshine for breakfast every morning. I never met a person so hyper."

Joon nodded. "Funny dude," he said. "But nice."

I nodded. 

We finished our cigarettes. "So, you still haven't answered."

"Answered what?"

"What do you wanna do about Jimin?"

I sighed. Again. "If I only knew…"

Joon got up, took a last drag then stomped his cigarette butt. "If money and time were no obstacle, what would you want to do then?"

I didn't have to think twice. "In that case, he'd be living with me, of course. If I didn't have to stress about everything else, I could handle Jimin." I thought back to the worst of Jimin's tantrums. Most of them stemmed from a lack of attention. He usually got stressed when I was in a bad mood. Plus, over time, I had learned to read him better. 

"Looking after Jimin is a fucking hard job," I admitted. "I don't always have the patience for the task. But I want to learn. I want to improve. It's kinda like having a kid, right? You never know if what you're doing is right, you always second guess yourself, and they always come first. But nevertheless, you don't wanna be without them. And I guess I realised I don't wanna be without Jimin."

Joon smiled. "Well then. If that's what you want, then we'll find a way. It's the weekend coming up. We look at all kinds of possibilities and options. I'm sure the perfect solution is out there."

I nodded. Now that I spoke to Joon, I felt even more assured that this was the right decision. I would still need help, but that was okay. I would be okay, and so was Jimin.

"Tomorrow is Friday," Joon proclaimed. "Why don't you phone MOTS house after work, see if they have any idea?"

"MOTS house?" 

"Yeah… I mean they work with disabled people. They are probably the best people to know about different options out there. Perhaps they can give advise. They would want what is best for Jimin, too."

I nodded, contemplating. "I think I'll speak to Miss Kang."

"I thought Jimin's group manager is called Ms Eli?" Joon raised an eyebrow. 

Now it was my turn to resemble a tomato. "Miss Kang is the nurse on his station. She's… well…" I trailed off, not sure I wanted to disclose my newly discovered love for dimples. But Joon looked at me with a hopeless expression. 

"Well, Ms Kang is… you know,… our age… and pretty…" My cheeks burning so hard, they'd catch fire any moment. 

Joon frowned, looking utterly lost. "But how does this make her more qualified than Ms Eli. I would really recommend you speak with her."

"Yes, yes, I'll speak to Ms Eli," I agreed. A little lie. 

No wonder Joon never noticed Nisi's flirting. The guy was the most oblivious person on the planet. Come to think of it, I never even saw him flirting with any girl.

"Joon?"

"Huh?'

"You never had a girlfriend, right?"

"Nope," he shook his head. 

"How come?" 

"I'm just not interested in one."

I thought back to Jimin and the day I found out about his partner. He never told me he dated another bloke, and even then I had the feeling that he didn't know how I would have reacted to this. Could it be that Joon was in a similar boat?

Perhaps he and Jimin… I mean, as far as I knew they had never been close friend, but they were acquainted and…. Did Jimin and Joon ever…? So was that why Joon was always happy to help? And if so, was that a bad thing? Stop it Yoongs, your thoughts are running away with you.

"So…" I asked carefully. "Do y-you like b-blokes then?"

Joon shook his head. "Nope." He shrugged apologetically. "I'm kinda not interested in anyone. Never was."

I tried to contemplate this new information. "So you never did…. You know…" rather than using words, I made some obscene gestures. 

Joon shook his head again. "I watched a porn to see what the fuss is all about. But I just found it utterly gross. There are better ways to spend my time."

"How old were you?"

"Twenty-one, I guess. I might have been twenty-two. I'm not sure."

"But you do…" another rude gesture.

"Why do you care about my private life so much, hyung? Anything in particular you wanna tell me?" He had his eyebrow raised. 

"Urgh heck no! I'm into girls. Only girls." Mental note to self: Never ever mention my newly discovered love for dimples in Joon's proximity.

"Well then, I guess what I do or don't do in my bedroom is none of your business," Joon stated in his Police Officer-no-nonsense voice. 

"Sorry," I mumbled. "Do you think the bus will come…eventually? We've been waiting for over an hour." I changed the topic.

"Nah, the sign has been showing 'service cancelled' since we got here."

Previous Chapter
Overview
Next Chapter