Read that funk title again. I'm 92% sure you thought I said something else and got VERY excited. But alas, we're talking about being in a rut, feeling stuck, or otherwise unmotivated. Which as I write this post, is the exact situation I'm in.

The Funk Is Real

For the last 2 weeks, I've had little energy towards anything. I"ve stopped working out, couldn't care less about my diet these days, haven't posted to instagram with any regular cadence or strategy as I feel overwhelmed. The thought of producing content puts me in a paralysis spiral where I have zero creativity or desire to produce.

Work is SUPER busy but seems to be the only thing getting and keeping me out of bed most days. By the time the work day is over I want to curl in a ball and sleep. Since I have a kid, I can't do that so I have to put on a brave face for the evening until she goes to sleep. The time between Noelle going to bed and me finally shutting my eyes to sleep is the only awake peace I get in my day.

Literally holding back tears writing this.

I've Hit A Wall, I'm Tired

For purposes of my mental health I refuse to "power through" this. I'm not going to pretend I'm not struggling. As Therapist put it, I'm not going to "Black Girl Magic" my way through this. I've been doing that for the last 35 years and have not produced a result that is positively sustainable long term. That said, I'm temporarily folding. I'm throwing in the towel. Temporarily, I'm shutting down. I'm going to be vulnerable and sit through the discomfort of feeling utterly defeated.

The weight of carrying everything is too heavy. The balls I've been juggling alone the last five years have multiplied 10 fold and something needs to drop. I don't want to pay the mental toll of pretending everything is fine.

I realize now, powering through it doesn't make you strong and taking a beat to collect yourself doesn't make you weak.

The Funk Is Forcing Me To Focus On My Mental Health

Mental health is one of those things that when things are going well, it's ignored. I will say, I have absolutely ignored it. I've been on autopilot the last year or so then one day BOOM! The house of cards came crashing down. The imposter syndrome, anxiety, depression and comparison monster emerged and have not left in weeks. I can't shake it.

What Are We Going To Do?

Great question. Typically, my blog posts tie up the conversation with a beautiful optimistic bow. But that would be disingenuous of me to do in this instance. That said, I can commit to doing a few things in hopes that things turn around

  • Spend time in worship and prayer
  • Review the goals I wrote down for the year
  • Muster up the strength to work out or at least go for a walk
  • Eat vegetables at at least 1 meal per day and drink more water
  • Say affirmations out loud
  • Be kind to myself when I fall short

That's it. That's the extent of what I can commit to.

Where Does This Leave Good Journee?

I'll keep writing until there comes a point where I can't or it becomes a facade. This blog is meant to be a creative outlet to express myself. That said, the topics I cover on any given week reflect what I'm going through that week. So, posts will continue!

I'm to jump back on Instagram soon. I'll check in on stories and post when I feel like I can. Thank y'all for reaching out via DMs! So much love there! I love that my little corner of the internet is full of folks that want to see each other win and do check ins often. Love that for us.

Anyway, thanks for hearing me out. If you're going through something similar, I'm sorry, it really sucks and it's really hard. Praying for better days.

Until then....

funk Chose love graphic