I am listening to Isaac Marion's Moon Colony, that's the guy that wrote Warm Bodies, and it's deliciously weird music.

I am sitting here, nervous, and lost. Tomorrow at 7:30 my boyfriend, my mom and I will leave to a city at least three hours away from this place, to hear what the court has to say about my boyfriend's case. I am somehow convincing myself they'll let him stay. And then I get scared, because what if they won't and I'll be caught off guard ... but I need to also think clearly tomorrow, since I am being called as a witness, so maybe the hope and "knowledge" that they'll let him stay is what I need right now. I am torn between reality and wishful thinking and just holding onto my sanity and the knowledge that the latter is most important right now. So here I sit, in this uncertainty.

My boyfriend is still asleep. He woke me up at 3:40 this morning because he was so anxious. I am so glad he woke me up as I keep telling him he can do that. He went and took a Xanax after I suggested it. I wonder why he didn't do it before? Does he think it makes him weak? Does he think he'll become dependent on them or even addicted (I did talk to him about that possibility if he were to take them every day for a long time and maybe I didn't explain that well enough). Either way, I am glad he took it in the end because he finally fell asleep at some point after that. I don't know when. I just remember waking up, checking on him and he was quietly snoring next to me.

It's a rainy day here today and according to the weather forecast it will be tomorrow, too. I am trying to stay somewhat calm and collected, going over the things that still need to be done today and the things I need to pack and when I need to get up tomorrow (at 4) and so on. I am trying to remind myself we will survive this.

It's a weird day for me and I am sure it will be for my boyfriend, too, when he wakes up.

In 25 hours we'll already be standing in line to get into the court house, going through security. I wonder how the lawyer and us will find each other but I am guessing there won't be too many couples from different cultures standing around, looking lost and uncertain - so I am sure he'll find us.

I am still angry that they changed his lawyer five days before the court appointment. But the other lawyer already said she has a lot to do, so maybe this lawyer was less busy and had time to actually look into our case ... I hope so.

Breathe and keep on keeping on.

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