How to find your authentic voice in order to succeed

Ok so lets start with the basics on this one.

What is success?

Webster's Dictionary seems vague on the exact meaning for success, having several different definitions for this word. Success can prove to be a very relative term.

To some, success may mean gaining fame and fortune, others may feel that success means achieving a dream that has been long fought for. Still others may find that success means owning a home, having a good job, and raising a family. What constitutes success for one person may not seem like enough for another.

In today's social media driven world, the ability to keep up with the Kardashian's seems to drive so many. Becoming a social media influencer is the newest goal.

Payless Shoes recently reported paying influencers up to $1900 to post about their brand. Unboxings and critique videos are at the top of the list for watches. For a society driven by the constant search for wealth, Instagram has created a platform for anyone to launch their own brand.

But the biggest question I keep asking myself is, what does all of that fame really mean? Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, etc. etc. etc. It all comes down to how good you are at selling your brand.

Take a minute right now and let your mind wander. Think about the things you own. Your car, your home, your clothes. What brands do you purchase? What items do you gravitate towards when you are at the store?

Now, identify why you have them. Did you splurge on a cashmere sweater that you're too afraid to wear and accidentally ruin just so you could tell people you have a cashmere sweater? Is your car a specific brand because your family expects you to own only that specific brand? Do you have a shelf full of books that you've never touched just because you thought it would make you look smart?

There's nothing wrong with wanting to project a specific image to the world, but the problem is that you aren't being true to yourself when you let others make those choices for you. When you aren't true to yourself, it shows in your confidence and ultimately impacts your ability to succeed.

So how do you figure out your personal brand?

First you need to figure out what it is that makes you tick. When someone asks you to introduce yourself, what is it about you that people find the most interesting and genuine? This takes a lot of introspection.

You need to be honest with yourself. The answer to this is more in depth than "I like Football" or "I hate pineapple on pizza." While those could have additional definition to them, we are looking for the things that live in the core of our definition of ourselves.

Grab a piece of paper and write down everything you know about yourself. make bullet points on every thing you can think of. Your favorite color, your favorite sport, the person you hate more than anything in your life. Get atleast 15 items on that list.

Now, using that same list, explain why. Lets say you wrote down watching Football. What is it about Football that means something to you? Is it because you view it as a challenge? Is it because you enjoy the team nature of the sport? Do you secretly wish you were able to make that kind of money and have that kind of fame? Or is it because you love Sunday Afternoons with your friends? Maybe you have memories of going to a game with your Dad or Mom?

Write it all down.

Every thought, no matter how silly you may think it is.

Now, go through that list and find the things that define you. Like that memory of afternoons with your friends, or baking apple pie because you like to surprise people when they have a bad day.

Are there any links to these items?

Family, Friendship, Accountability, Creativity, Leadership, Financial Stability?

Are you the dependable person who looks out for others?

The one that knows how to set boundaries?

The one that can be called on in a moment when someone needs advice?

Look closely. This is where your personal brand is going to really pop out at you.

For example, I have a strong drive toward social change. I have always been one to push toward fairness and equality. This is my personal brand. I'm the one that calls out unfair rules. I stand up to authority if I know there's something that needs changed. I'm that friend that will bake brownies at 3am while giving you advice because you don't know what to do.

You're probably wondering how did I figure mine out?

A lot of trial and error, more difficult experiences than I can count on one hand, and a significant amount of introspection. Change is not something I handle well to be honest. In fact it's a very common fear that many people struggle with. It's even worse when that change is outside of your control. But just like the seasons, it's a necessary step in life.

Once you've figured out your personal brand, you can better understand how people view you and how you can use that to your advantage. When something goes wrong, do people look to you to fix it? Or are you the one telling people how to fix it?

When tasked with a group project at work, what is your role? Do you speak for the group? Do you provide the research to back up what your group is asking for? Are you the mediator? Identify the skills you have that make you special.

There's also a possibility that none of this is resonating with you. It's even possible that you absolutely hate everything that defines you as you. So what do you do about that?

You change!

I am absolutely not the same person I was 10 years ago. Or 20 years ago. Part of what makes growing older interesting is becoming accustomed to parts of ourselves that we may not have noticed or listened to yet.

If you made this list out and said "eww I hate myself even more now" that's ok! You can still change! The best part about figuring out how to be successful is it is completely subjective.

About two and a half years ago, I remember staring at myself in the mirror. I had gained weight after my second was weened. And my clothes and hair made me look 20 years older than I was. I didn't feel attractive, I didn't feel confident. I hated who I was.

And I changed it. I focused on who I wanted to be. The parts of myself I'd neglected. I started writing again. I started teaching myself new make-up techniques. I started speaking up. People treat me as a person who has information and advice. I was even accepted to law school!

Today when I look in the mirror I see a different person. I still remember the woman I was but I have fallen in love with the woman I am now. And I see that as a success. And I see the pathways that are open to me now because I have confidence and I'm able to use my voice authentically.

I have learned to listen without the intent to respond. By doing this I have gained insight into things I never would have before. And to me, being able to give a voice to those who need to use mine is success. The ability to teach my boys how to be kind and hardworking people is success.

It has not been without it's struggles. Finding my authentic voice meant learning how intimidating that is to other people. And how harsh they can be in response.

Anna Wintour said it best. "In the end I do respond to my own instincts. Sometimes they're successful, and obviously sometimes they're not. But you have to, I think, remain true to what you believe in."