I have a lot of things to be grateful for today, but I'm struggling to get excited, or even that interested, in any of them.

I cleaned two kids' bedrooms today. I started the seasonal exchange of clothes (it's a process in an area where the weather can't make up its mind). I cleaned up my office space. I made healthy meals and the family sat around the table and ate together. I got the littles started on cleaning up a colossal mess they made in the attic. I took the four kids to the school's harvest festival and they had a great time. We rode on a wagon pulled by a team of horses and I enjoyed the smell of horse sweat and the chance to tell my kids about the summer I drove a team of Belgians. We came home and did baths and every single kid was sweetly excited about their new warm pajamas waiting in their drawers.

All of these are good...but I'm just not in the mood. All the laundry and cleaning--it's endless. So what if I accomplished washed-dried-folded-put-away-clothing? There's already dirty laundry in their hampers tonight. So what if I made a family meal? Now there's dishes to be done. So what if we put away toys? They'll just get them out tomorrow.

So much of life with kids is just clawing your way back to neutral. I never, ever get ahead. I can only get out of the hole. It's just maintaining. Work, work, work all weekend long--knowing I will literally do the exact same tasks all over again next weekend.

Even taking the kids to an event is...fine. My kids are lovely, happy, well-behaved kids who only needed the tiniest corrections on manners and were genuinely cheerful and grateful all afternoon. I'm grateful there was a free event to take them to that got us outside and having fun. But, all the same, it's just one event in their lives. Not life changing. I mean, will they even remember it six months from now?

I know all the events add up. I know staying at home doing nothing would be a negative. But, still, it's just maintaining. Four hours of walking and smiling and holding their shoes and water bottles while they jumped in the bouncy houses--meh. Can I even count the number of times I've done this over 19 yrs of parenting? Nope. At least dozens.

I realize I sound so ungrateful. Whiny about the very privileges I enjoy. I should be grateful there are clothes to clean and toys to pick up and a working car to drive healthy children to and fro. I should end with a great moral to the story about being grateful for the little moments. An {insert cute kid quote here to spark a laugh or tears} kind of wrap up.

But, no. I got nothing.

Why am I even writing today? Maintaining. This is my greatest weakness. I love novel projects. I hate maintaining. But if I'm going to home school and housekeep then I must maintain through nothing but the sheer force of my own will. No colleagues to vicariously pull me along. No administrator to check in on my classroom. I must get up and slog through the daily, repetitious tasks that over time accumulate into a school year of learning and living. It is no fun. Not going to pretend it is. But, I did it all the same. Today, I maintained.