I'm on the way to my new doctor. I'm really tired all the time and i think my iron and vitamin d are probably both really low, and my thyroid might be acting up again too. So I'm gonna talk to this person and make an appointment for a blood test and then we'll see. I'm so nervous about this. I haven't talked to this doc before and i also have to get a prescription for my meds and I'm just generally really overwhelmed and sad.

I'd rather hide in bed. Or in a book on the couch. Or anywhere but going out and about trying to act sane... I feel really dysregulated today and i don't really know what to do about it. I'm thinking a lot about the book I'm reading, the one by Janina Fisher and I'm trying to feel for the "going about normal life" part and how that could feel so i will know who or what to look for but I'm feeling so anxious it's hard to feel anything but that.

So i have to focus on the anxiety instead, i think, and talk to the anxious part and find out what's going on...

That kind of works. Hmmm... Man this is hard. It's not just in Janina Fisher's book, I've been doing this with my therapist for ages and it's STILL hard to do... Especially when I'm upset. But that's when i need it most.

Anyway. The weather has definitely understood that it's fall season now. I already put up all my fall and Halloween decorations. Heh. That makes me happy. It's cold and sometimes rainy...

I'm wondering whether to try to do nanowrimo this year. I haven't tried to do that in ages and this year I've got nothing else going on so i might as well... Maybe that'll give the novel in my head a boost and it'll actually become reality...

Ugh. In 15 minutes I'll be talking to the doc... Still anxious. But less helpless.

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