Do you ever wonder where you would be if maybe you made just one different decision?

Whenever I think about that fork in the road, I honestly think of a past relationship. I had started talking to a guy I went to high school with a few months before my now husband started talking to me. I was 19 and I was kind of spiraling? Maybe? I'm not sure that is the right word. I wasn't actually making bad choices. Just kind of getting close enough to the fire that I could definitely get burnt. I was just out looking for love and attention. I wanted love, marriage, family, home, babies, etc.

I started dating this guy. He was a known bad guy. I remember he never left his house. And I think we only physically went somewhere outside of his house twice in the 2-3 months we talked/dated. Once was Walmart and the second time was the mall which ended in a fight. He refused to go anywhere. I guess I didn't think much about it. I knew in previous times he had sold somethings. He promised me that all of that was in his past and he definitely wouldn't involve me in any of that. I appreciated that, but didn't quite believe that his dealings were done.

I think for me the last straw was he refused to even come over to my house. He was terrified to possibly meet my parents. I remember him somehow convincing me to come over to his house and hang out. So I did. And we fell asleep. I woke up and decided I didn't like this. I walked out. Drove home. Deleted his number. And never talked to him again. (He was still sleeping when I left.)

I say that was my guardian angel voice telling me to get out now. He was arrested for possessing and selling illegal drugs only a few weeks after I left. I definitely feel like I dodged that big time. I can only imagine what my record my reflect if I was still hanging out with him. I have never touched any drugs in my life. My record of anything is clean. I can't imagine how I might handle even just a holding cell while they evaluate evidence. Honestly, I'm not even sure that would be how it works. But either way...Orange is not my color. Crocs are not my shoes. No thank you!

I believe it was three months after I left that my now husband messaged me and asked for a date. He literally came out of no where. We had no real mutual friends. Never talked before. Not sure we ever even acknowledged each other in high school. (although we did go to the same high school and graduated the same year). I just remember feeling like he had a good heart. And with that we started dating and hey the rest is history. Well history in the making. We just celebrated five years of marriage.

I think back to that random decision often. The random wake up call that I don't like how this feels. I didn't like being afraid he was lying. I didn't like that he thought he was good at lying? Because deep down I knew he was hiding it. I knew once a dealer potentially still a dealer. Especially as protective as he was over certain things. I didn't like that he might be putting me at risk over his dumb decisions.

If you get those random wake up call urges. Listen to it. You get those for a reason, love. Mine saved me and I'm sure yours might save you.

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