I've been struggling lately with knowing what to write.  I feel like the days are flying by.  This week is Thanksgiving, next week potentially Christmas if you blink.  I don't feel like time went this fast before I had a kid.  Now I'm like holy cow she is 13 months Thursday.  She is almost walking.  She can, she just doesn't have confidence to continue.  She says Mama and Daddy clearly.  And here I am still left in the image of walking out of that hospital room being like what just happened.  And holy cow at the weight of the responsibilities I suddenly felt.

I will say I do feel so much more confident and comfortable at this point in motherhood.  I feel like at this current moment I have somewhat of a grasp on my responsibilities and am somewhat handling getting them done.  We are hosting Thanksgiving dinner and I believe I am super prepared.  I have everything lined up in their containers with the recipe printed and placed inside sheet protectors.  Hopefully all goes smoothly with that.

I ordered most of Lily's Christmas presents.  Maybe all to be honest.  I really don't want to buy her a bunch of things and overwhelm her.  I honestly believe kids get overwhelmed with all the stuff they get and now it all needs homes.  Otherwise, it is an endless cycle of not knowing where to "clean up".  I bought her things that I genuinely think she will love.  I bought push along tricycle that I can push her on walks around the neighborhood.  She absolutely loves to be outside.  A kitchen stool so she can see what I'm doing in the kitchen.  I'm always in the kitchen cooking I feel like.  And she is always standing behind me holding my legs.  Occasionally, I'll sit her up on the counter and she loves to be included. If I give her a small whisk, it is like she won a million baby dollars.  Some bath numbers and letters to play with to introduce her to them through play.  A small water table for outside.  And I got a zoo pass for me so we can go to the zoo on the weekends when we have nothing else to do.  I honestly feel like that is all stuff she will love and use.  And who knows what other stuff she will get from her grandparents on both sides.

Lily has been sick.  My husband has been sick.  And over the last week I haven't been feeling so hot.  But we've all survived and are on the mend.  I have to say that letting her sleep in our bed while we all were sick was probably the best thing.  She loved cuddling up to me.  And I loved the snuggles.  And even now, I'm struggling not to put her straight into my bed at nighttime.  Because man I feel like these days are going by way too fast.  I doubt she will be 16 and still trying to crawl into my bed.  So, I think I'm going to soak up these moments.  And if she is 16 and still trying, well maybe we both still need it then.

I'm not sure why I am writing all this other than I do feel very absent from this blog.  Like when I started it, I felt so full of inspiration.  Like I had so much to say about post-partum and motherhood.  But I think I'm learning that motherhood is just showing up day in and day out.  And trying to do your best by your kid.  And I think sometimes that requires being absent from other things.  So maybe this is more of journal now? I'm not sure.  But I do enjoy writing out what is going on in my head.

Some other things in my life that I'm working on is spending less, saving more, intentional spending, intentional parenting, and decluttering both mentally and physically in my home.  I can't say I stuck to my goal of paying everything off and saving a certain amount.  Christmas coming has me really focused on intentional gift purchases which I do believe is showing to be a little more expensive.  I'm also really focused on shopping with small businesses of my friends before heading to Amazon or another big corporation to spend money. I am probably a little more than halfway done with Christmas shopping.  

Overall, I think we are in a great place in life. Hope you are too. If not, let's chat. If so, tell me what is going on in your great little life too.

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