It's a dirty word. Enjoyment. Guiltless pleasure. Just being in the moment with you. 

Undisturbed by the concerns of others, or your concerns for that matter. Letting go of all the insecurities which usually plague a moment as glorious as this. 

The electric orange of a late Spring sunset is before your eyes, just asking you to drink it in. In front of you is a huge window observing a gently winded lake and the ocean sunset just beyond. The room full of women heaves around you, each full of child and hope and love. Each worried, insecure, scared perhaps like you. But for these few moments let that be. A maternity yoga class. Relaxing, deep breaths and long-held stretches. Yet the engine of mind bubbles away under the surface: will my child be OK, am I spending enough time with the other child, what do these women think of me, why is the instructor so cool…. Ridiculous shards of enquiry that lead nowhere and exist only in your own head. 

Instead, the awareness behind the mind, heaving with its ceaseless concerns, wants to quietly observe the palm tree swaying in the amber sunset. It wants to drink in the laughter of the teenagers playing among the rocks outside the window. Impervious to the cool. Life is peaceful and content and it invites you to be the same. 

The silhouette of that palm tree sticks in your mind. A reminder that the moment is there for but a moment. Soon, when the sun disappeared it is no longer sumptuously outlined by ambers of orange and red. It is dark and easily missed in the dusk. 

So you ask: what if I just gave myself permission to indulge? To take the next day off without booking leave. To slack off and not go into work for a few weeks. All this perfectly fine, with no one noticing. With no work ignored of course. 

What if I were to dress in my favourite outfit tomorrow and feel nice. And have that dessert I love with love not guilt. What if I made it OK to have the good in my life, instead of guilty about others close to me going without. Even go a bit further, get in trouble. And realise that nothing is broken or bowed as a result. 

Within this there is still space to be kind and giving and responsible. But the echo of not enough is absent just for long enough to catch the palm tree swaying in the sun.  

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