allthingsgodlypretty posted: " Wait! WHAT? Have you ever felt so distant as your children grew older? I have been feeling like that lately, this year to be specific. I realised i cut so much of their time to start the blog with the intention to serve others while growing closer"
Have you ever felt so distant as your children grew older? I have been feeling like that lately, this year to be specific. I realised i cut so much of their time to start the blog with the intention to serve others while growing closer to my family.
This can consume your time between writing and editing. I realise just how much i miss the quality time we had other than rushing through life and spending time with them.
For you it may be work or business that is taking so much of your time. I am sure many parents can relate. We still want to perform at work and business but have not found the perfect way to balance. More often we live out of balance and accept it as our new normal.
It is worth noting that our children aregrowing, the time we have with them now is so precious because we will not afford that as they grow older and leave home. Now is the time to bond, teach, laugh, learn and form a strong relationship that leaves no room for insecurities concerning their decisions in life. Yes that is parenting, it is a life commitment.
Pondering on my previous blog post concerning Self Care Is More Than Just A Beauty Routine i realise that it is time to fix the discord that i feel and that is part of self care. Instead of postponing a challenge we find ways to solve it to enhance our well being and the well being of our families.
I cannot be at my best as a parent if i am growing distant from my own children. Is not the relationship supposed to flow so easily since we are biologically related?
I believe so too however we do feel distant when we become so busy and less focused on our families until we set an intention to make time deliberately.
What creates the distance?
Busy mom
If you are a mom you have thought about finding ways to work from home so you could have that quality time you desire with your children. If you know you have used the words "I'm busy" quite often to your children now we have work to do.
Let us reverse this! How can i not be busy when the most important people in my life need me?
Prioritise my time and find ways to maximise my time with them. Study what takes your time, what you can minimise or cut off so you engage with your children daily.
I remember when i decided my weekends are strictly for my family, it made a big difference because i would dedicate time on weekends to preparing meals for them and just finding fun ways to spend our time together.
However even as you do that you can find as you spend time with the children you are preoccupied with planning and running your household.
Finding balance is the best thing to do!
The working mom!vs. The stay at home mom
When we look at ourselves and how much time we give to our children comes the temptation to compare ourselves with someone in a different situation. We look at it from afar and assume other moms do not have the same guilt we have because we are always at work the better part of our time.
When we take a closer look you find stay at home moms are often so tired and are looking for a break from the daily demands of being mom.
Both moms can find themselves distant from their children from time to time. When a child comes to a family there is excitement and celebration of this new life. As the child grows it is easy to get used to them being around and not making time for bonding.
Social Media and App Timers
This is one feature that has helped me a lot in growing as a responsible parent. Minding the time i spent on Social media is very important and something i lost track of was the amount of time i was spending publishing my blog posts and driving traffic from my social media pages to the blog.
If not managed well social media can take up your family's time. It needs one to be very sharp to notice the time it can consume. As helpful as it is to our businesses and our social exposure, when it is not used well it can affect our relationships quite a lot.
App timers!
I love the app timer because you set time you can use for each app and when the time is over, it literally cuts you off from that app you are using. However it does give you the option to increase the time on the app. What i love about this feature is that it brings awareness of how much time you spend on social media and it reminds you that it is time for your family or time to be off a certain app
This is something one can work on daily until they get their balancing right. It may help to wake up earlier to engage on social media, have your quiet time with God, read the word of God and work on your goals.
Find your app timers on your phone settings and let that remind you of the special time to reconnect with your precious little ones. When your children take naps or go to bed then you are able to work or be on social media but watch to nurture your marriage and rest time.
Simple ways to maximise your quality time with your children
Children just love your presence and they are proud of you with the most simple things you do. They may not appreciate the toys you bring and money you spend on them most of the time but they notice the time well spent with you.
My husband once said each time the children come to a parent and ask for something as simple as water, do not refer them to the other parent or the helper. Simply put aside that minute and get them water. They notice just how much you are available for them and it sets the tone for their relationship with you and how much they trust you.
Supper Time
Supper time should be the most enjoyable time in the home because parents have come from work and now it is time to enjoy a meal together. We can learn to maximise the time spent together during this time.
As children grow up there is the temptation to assume they no longer need much attention but be aware,
Switch off the television and enjoy family conversations over a meal more often.
If your children are still young like mine, bathing them is such a joy. However if you are too busy it can easily turn into a chore and you forget just how much your children enjoy your touch.
Our 5 year old daughter likes saying to me "mom, you are so soft i love you". This should tell you just how much they appreciate your touch.
If you are not able to bath your children yourself, there are many other ways your children can appreciate your presence. Once a while afford sometime to bath your children, they will remember! unless of course they are able to bath themselves.
Prayer Time
This is the time to pray together as a family, time to pray with your children. It is a sacred family time, you can read bed time stories even if it is for 10-15 minutes, it is time that all of you will treasure. It is easy to to be tempted to rush through getting them to bed because you have had a long day but if it is done consistently then it becomes your way of life to be constantly busy.
I have learnt to pray about everything and just lay everything to God. All my fears as a parent, where i fall short, hopes and dreams for my family. I look forward to better days because i know and trust God with my family.
The happy Parent
The demands of being a parent are so high and our children need us to be at our best. We have other demands that take our time, sometimes worry can consume a parent and that creates distance with your children because you are often distracted. These things happen and if we can figure out how we can cope and live above those distraction then we can pay attention to our children too.
It is important to fill our cup as parents and know that for me to give peace overflowing to my children, i have to have peace too.
Take care of yourself and reconnecting with your children will be so easy.
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