Kausar:
The unimaginable had happened. Asiya had allowed Rabia to work.
While Rabia was over the moon, this news was not easy to take for Kausar. The entire premise of her happiness at getting married was due to the deliverance it promised from Ami's place and rules. But Rabia was living the best of both worlds. She was still snuggled in her place and had freedom too. How lucky!
And her own money, she thought with envy, her very own money.
Some might think that money had been tight in Asiya's household but that was far from the truth. They had money, actually a good amount of it. Asiya just didn't let kids have money or things that translated to some remote autonomy. It had been like that with Rabia and it remained like that with Bushra. Even though Rabia and Bushra were about five years apart, Asiya's parenting hadn't changed much. She believed in the iron fist.
Rabia wasn't allowed to work without Asiya's set of rules however. She was given explicit guidelines to consult with should a man approached her at the tuition center. Exact times of leaving home and being back were also discussed. She was not to take public transport if it got dark. She couldn't work during the winters as night falls sooner. Rabia didn't mind. The promise of six months of a summer job was probably the biggest thing that had happened to her ever.
Surprisingly, Saira welcomed this news with forbearance and even some happiness.
"You deserve it, Appa", She said as she balanced her child on her knee, "You have always been a good student. You'll be a great teacher too".
Kausar couldn't say anything. She felt cheated by Ami. She had been kicked out so her sisters could live the life of her choice.
Her married life, if it was possible, was even more monotonous than life at her parents'. There was nothing to do now that Arshad had left. Shortly before he left, they had had a few nice days where Arshad introduced her to friends. The first was obviously Adeel. The dear friend whom Arshad had left their marital bed for!
"Adeel! This is Kausar. Kausar! Remember I told you about Adeel? He's one of my closest friends. He's younger than me by a few years but we get along great".
"Few years?" Adeel laughed. "I'm seven years younger than you. What absolute smack! Hi, Kausar! I've heard so much about you. Didn't realize you were so gorgeous".
She blinked her eyes furiously to get over the moment. Being called gorgeous by a strange man was not only surprising, it was also somewhat embarrassing.
"Hi!" She finally said, "I've heard a lot about you too".
"Like what?" He asked, intrigue written all over his face.
She was wrong footed. She was being polite. As far as his friends were concerned, Arshad usually didn't discuss anything.
"Just that you're a very good friend", She recovered quickly, "Just that!"
"That's not a lot", He kept teasing her, "That's actually just one sentence. I think he doesn't talk about me at all. Probably jealous of how good looking I am", He laughed roguishly. Kausar looked up.
He wasn't very good looking actually, whatever Adeel's own opinion might be of his face. He was a rugged-looking man who looked much younger than Arshad. That was also partly because of his mannerism. He had a lightness about him. His laugh was loud and boyish and it looked like his eyes smiled when he laughed. She had never seen a man have such an animated face. Rasheed usually appeared so pensive that any emotion hardly ever made room in his face. Arshad and his brothers were all large and brusque. They were also loud. She had never heard light conversations around the house. Just utilitarian conversations that ended as soon as they started.
But other than that there wasn't much to recommend him. He looked like many other men that she had seen before. Usually those men were pubertal. This one was in his late twenties. He certainly looked a lot younger than he said.
She smiled politely as Arshad guffawed,
"I'm not jealous of anyone, particularly an oaf like you. Don't scare my wife. She thinks I keep good company".
They bantered like she used to in another time with her friends. Of all that she longed for, her friends were the most poignant memory. She missed them and because she was usually busy with mundane house chores or silly living room hi-teas, her friends had disappeared from her life in barely a month.
Loud cackling would fill the air around her and make her laugh too. Girls, many girls with carefree laughs and indulgent smiles, laughed together. The best part of being in an all-girls school and then college was being surrounded by her own kind. She could be herself all the time. She didn't have to pretend to be bashful or withdrawn. She could be brazen, lively, spirited. And no one judged. Or she didn't care.
Why can't the world be an all-girls campus? She'd ask herself as she realized that marriage had already disappointed her mostly. One big thing that marriage had promised was independence, freedom, change and the crossing of the bridge to adulthood. None of that had happened. Maybe she had attained some form of adulthood, what with losing her virginity to her husband, but on every other count she had been bitterly disappointed.
She started daydreaming again. Someone loved her and held her tenderly. There weren't any graphic sex scenes with him, just loving moments that involved words and a soul connection. Someone in her dreams was the man who made all the atrocities of life feel and look better.
They can't control my mind, she'd think triumphantly, my mind belongs to me only. And to him, the only man I ever loved, the man who loves me.
A strange man, nameless and faceless, was always with her. They'd walk on the beach together, hand in hand, laughing at silly jokes that they had come up with all on their own. He would bring home flowers, lots and lots of flowers, and they'd replace the expensive bracelet that Arshad had given her. He watched her while she slept and when darkness fell, they whispered to each other of the secrets that they could die to explore but didn't because the mystery of it all was everything.
She didn't miss Arshad. She actually had started to drift away from the reality that had so far been so harsh and cutthroat. Her dreams became seductive and alluring. Her mind traveled many places in one night. Her lover was a man she had never met but was someone she had known forever. Slowly, she reverted to the same woman who longed for the cage to open. Imperceptibly, marriage became the same prison that her parents' home had been.
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