tinavila20 posted: " Podcast available on Apple Podcast, Spotify, and Anchor! If you've been on this journey with me long enough, you know I love to exposit the Scriptures and share my own findings as God teaches me from His Word. And though I still do, I'm struggling." From The Overflow
If you've been on this journey with me long enough, you know I love to exposit the Scriptures and share my own findings as God teaches me from His Word.
And though I still do, I'm struggling. Amidst some recent depression over the state of our world and anxiety over changes coming in my future, I feel stuck. So for the first time in the two and a half years since I started this blog, I'm experiencing what the literary greats refer to as: writer's block.
You see although I still enjoy reading the Scriptures and still learn a lot from studying the Bible, my heart is tired, and my spirit - a little lost. The only way I can think to express what this writer's block feels like is, lament.
Here's my working definition of lament:
An expression of heartbreak or grief because something you are experiencing does not line up with what you understand about God.
So, without much else inspiring greatness, I thought we'd explore laments and see where we land.
The book of Psalms is full of laments where the the psalmists express passionate grief or sorrow over a number of things, such as their own sin, helpless situations, loss, heartbreak, etc.
We might sometimes think of laments as being disrespectful or irreverent towards a holy God. But actually, a lament is the appropriate response to the heartache we live through or the pain we experience.
Paul E. Miller says,
A lament takes seriously the mismatch between God's promise and some aspect of the brokenness of this world. Instead of suppressing the dissonance between hope and reality, it transforms it into a prayer.
So instead of being afraid to admit the struggle, we direct the pain toward God knowing He is the only one who won't be crushed by the full spectrum of our emotions, or the full depth of our pain.
We are reminded through the Scriptures that even God laments! In both Ezekiel 33 and Jeremiah 12, God talks about how He laments the destruction of the wicked. It grieves Him to see His people turn away from Him and invite the destruction that their sin has provoked.
So when we join God in lamenting over how evil is having its way in our world and in our lives, we are not responding flippantly to God because of the pain. But aligning ourselves with Him and with His character, recognizing that something is not right and choosing to run to Him, to pour ourselves out to Him, as our response.
Here is one of my favourite examples of a scriptural psalm of lament:
O Lord, rebuke me not in your anger, nor discipline me in your wrath. 2 Be gracious to me, O Lord, for I am languishing; heal me, O Lord, for my bones are troubled. 3 My soul also is greatly troubled. But you, O Lord—how long? 4 Turn, O Lord, deliver my life; save me for the sake of your steadfast love. 5 For in death there is no remembrance of you; in Sheol who will give you praise? 6 I am weary with my moaning; every night I flood my bed with tears; I drench my couch with my weeping. 7 My eye wastes away because of grief; it grows weak because of all my foes. 8 Depart from me, all you workers of evil, for the Lord has heard the sound of my weeping. 9 The Lord has heard my plea; the Lord accepts my prayer. 10 All my enemies shall be ashamed and greatly troubled; they shall turn back and be put to shame in a moment.
- Psalm 6
The psalmist, David, starts by expressing his struggle to God and y'all, it's dramatic. He goes on about how he's weary from moaning, flooding his bed with tears, and drenching his couch from weeping. I mean, between my daughter and me and our drama queen vibes, I can recognize big feelings!
But he takes a turn by the end and places his hope in God saying that his enemies will be ashamed and troubled. We know this had not yet happened, and that his circumstances had not yet changed because he talks about this happening in future.
This tells us that we can be honest about how hard things are, while simultaneously trusting that God will care for us and provide for us. That He will make things right. That He will fulfill His promises and be true to His unchanging character. So the psalmist can still lament while putting His hope in God to come through for Him.
And that's where I'm at today.
A lot just doesn't feel right within me. I'm anxious about the future as a 10-year season with babies at home is drawing to a close. My daughter starts school in the fall and I find myself anxious about what the future holds for me.
And without fully understanding why, it's become a significant source stress.
Even after months of processing the decision, I can't bring myself to pray about it without speechlessly breaking down in tears before the Lord.
It's just not like me. And if someone else told me about this struggle, I know I'd have all the right answers and encouraging words to say.
So here's a little lament for ya...
I'm scared. I'm scared of giving up the things I love in order to work a job I hate.
I'm perplexed at why the things I love to do can't be lucrative like they seem to be for other people.
I'm angry that despite sacrificing so much for my family and the Kingdom, it doesn't feel like I've got much to show for it.
And that brings me to:
Imposter Syndrome
Imposter syndrome simply means that you believe you are not as competent as others perceive you to be.
That's a whole other aspect to my experience that we won't explore here, but it got me thinking about imposter syndrome in a larger, spiritual sense.
Why do we think God won't work it out? Or that He won't come through?
We know there are no guarantees, and anything can happen. However, the critical part of a lament is truly believing that God really WILL come through! Despite what our eyes can see and our experiences reveal.
It's recognizing that we have this hope that anchors our souls, firm and secure (Hebrews 6:19).
It's more than wishful thinking. It's more than hoping for the best and planning for the worst. It's truly knowing that God will work all things out for our good and His glory.
That's the only place I can really land on today. I'm still brought to tears every time I think about my unknown future. So, I can relate to David when he's drenching his pillow and drowning in tears.
Yet even as I reflect on that, I'm reminded of another psalm that says,
You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.
- Psalm 56:8
So you see, friend, even our tears are not wasted. Even our sorrow is precious in His sight. He keeps a close eye and detailed account of the tears of His faithful ones because He is FOR those who trust in Him.
And when we're heartbroken, He only draws closer. (Psalm 34:18)
What's in the Ears
I hope this lament exploration blessed you as much as it has blessed me. Please let me know your thoughts in the comments or send me a message, and share with a friend too!
No comments:
Post a Comment