Perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor. -- Anne Lamott, Bird by Bird (1994)
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. Matthew 11:28-30
For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, "Abba, Father." Romans 8:15 (NKJV)
When my grandchildren come over, I give them washable markers and paints. There are even special washable markers for drawing on windows. Turns out, they love to "color" – everywhere – on the windows and the paper I give them, but also on the walls, floor, table, couch (yikes!). But to tell you the truth it doesn't bother me. (And it washes out mostly). I find it has become a kind of therapy for me as I struggle to be set free from the oppression of perfectionism. I love the Anne Lamott quote above, because that is what perfectionism is: the voice of the oppressor, always in my head. The enslavement to having to be wonderful, exceptional, and perfect caused by trauma and abuse.
Temporary installation, washable paint stick and marker on metal file cabinet
"People who suffer from perfectionism often have unhealed hurts. Perhaps your parents expected too much from you as a child. Maybe you experienced trauma or shame, and you strive now to never return there again by choosing the cover of perfectionism ... To let go of perfectionism once and for all, you need to accept God's grace in those unhealed areas. His grace accepts you as you are and doesn't expect perfection from you. God wants you to let go of perfectionism so you can embrace his grace." -- Madison Fergerstrom, MA, LMHC, Bellevue Christian Counseling https://bellevuechristiancounseling.com/articles/how-to-let-go-of-perfectionism
Temporary installation, washable marker on wood and paper
"To put it bluntly, perfectionism is a hoax. We cannot be perfect! Yet many well-meaning people continue to strive for this unattainable goal. They want to exceed expectations at work, at home, at church, in sports, in hobbies, in physical appearance—and the list goes on. They have somehow convinced themselves that to be acceptable requires them to measure up to a personal or societal standard of perfection. A perfectionistic mindset brings stress and can only lead to discontent and frustration. Perfectionism often involves raising the bar to absurd heights and striving in our own efforts for something that only God can do … We can stop striving for an arbitrary, worldly "perfection" and rest in the Perfect One." https://www.gotquestions.org/Bible-perfectionism.html
So, I find myself fascinated as I give my grandchildren markers and paint and watch what they do. I am drawn to their complete freedom of movement. They take the markers and begin, what most would call, scribbling. But to me it's totally unself-conscious, uninhibited expression. It just comes out, traveling from their hearts, their very essence, down their arms and to their hands. A completely unobstructed channel. No one has ever told them that their coloring is not perfect. That they have to stay within the lines. No one has yet installed in them a fear of doing it "wrong." I, on the other hand, draw inside tight little stereotyped boundaries. I like nature prints because the design has already been created. For the same reason I like stamping. I find myself wanting the freedom to break out of the boxes. I want to scribble too.
Temporary installation, washable marker and jam on plastic
It seems we are born with this desire to make, as artist Makoto Fujimura calls it. In his mind-blowing book, Art and Faith, he writes:
"The impulse toward Making seems embedded in us from 'the beginning' … God moves in our hearts to be experienced and then makes us all to be artists of the Kingdom."
Temporary installation, washable paint on yellow breakfast tray
So, I am asking God to deliver me from the oppression of perfectionism and make me an artist of the Kingdom. For what is perfectionism anyway, but fear of man and conforming to the pattern of the world? Lord, you are the Potter and I am the clay. Create me.
"God's presence is real, even in the midst of oppression and darkness. God is the light that shines and places limits on evil and injustice on the earth. What if … we began to paint (or write songs, plays, and poems) into the darkness with such a light? What if we began to live our lives generatively facing our darkness? What if we all began to trust our intuition in the Holy Spirit's whispers, remove our masks of self-defense, and create into our true identities hidden in Christ beyond the darkness? What if our lives are artworks re-presented back to the Creator?" -- Makoto Fujimura, Art and Faith: A Theology of Making
Washable paint and marker on paper
Images copyright by Sheila Bair, 2023
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