Maybe it's a fantasy or a pipe dream, but wouldn't it be nice to find someone who wants you, who picks you and only you? Who sees you enter the room and only has eyes for you, who smiles when he sees you or smiles when you text him. A man who needs to touch you, needs to just be near you, someone who has a bad day and just wants to see you. The only person he wants is you, on good days and bad days. No matter what.
Seems like a fantasy, doesn't it? To find someone who notices even the smallest things about you, like how you look when you are in deep thought or nervous or really happy. Do guys actually like that exist, especially for women like me? Even more like a unicorn. To be honest it would be easier to find that, than find a guy like that.
I never needed a guy to take care of me, emotionally or financially. I'm very independent and maybe that scares guys off, or maybe it is my size that turns them away. I've been told 'I'm good on paper, just not in real life.' They'd hang out with me in the dark just never in public where people can see.
So many things have happened to me in the past 10 years and yes it would have been nice to have someone to just hold me so I could fall apart. But I've learned that maybe I'm just not meant to be in a relationship, maybe I'm not meant to find 'the one'. Maybe I'm just meant to be around until someone better comes along or until they realize that what they have is the best.
Makes me think I'm never going to be good enough. Even though I think I have a lot to offer someone. I have this crazy good personality, I'm pretty, I can make people laugh, and I enjoy some PDA and would take care of them. I enjoy sports, hard liquor & beer, and so many random things.
But who knows anymore. Life is hard enough on some people. You just have to tread lightly and make your way through life as best as you can. Maybe it will happen, maybe it won't. But I'm getting tired of putting myself out there and being rejected. That's part of life, everyone has to deal with that.
No comments:
Post a Comment