The letter from my son was dated February 27, 1997. When I share the content, you'll probably understand how it tugged at my heart strings to discover it a couple of days ago. I've thought a lot about my twin brother this week, so perhaps you'll understand why finding this letter in my filing cabinet was like finding hidden treasure.
In the letter, Craig compares himself to Ronnie. They both graduated from Texas A&M and they both were subsequently commissioned as officers in the United States Marine Corps.
Craig writes: "Looking back I recall all of the times someone said that I reminded them of Ronnie. Whether it was the way I dressed, or the way I talked, or the way I carried myself, it was undeniable that I was a Ronnie make-over.
I found myself wanting to be like him and in a way after playing football in high school and going to Texas A&M where I wore his boots my senior year, and finally becoming a Marine officer, I felt closer to him.
As I'm getting older, I've come to discover that being tough on the outside is easy. It is being tough on the inside that is the real challenge. You truly are a man who stands up for what he believes. Dad, I want you to know from the bottom of my heart, when it comes to heroes, you are at the top of my list.
My response was kind of tongue-in-cheek. "Thank you for your very kind letter reflecting on your childhood and gratitude for the wonderful supportive role model I provided. Actually, I couldn't help but wonder who spiked the punch this time or maybe you've got me confused with someone else. Who was that man your mom kept around while I was out of town – just joking.
I'm a little confused that you described yourself as something other than the perfect son. What did you do that I don't know about? All right - all right, I haven't forgotten about the three occasions you ran over a cat on the highway causing significant damage to the spoiler on my car. And of course, curfew was alien to your vocabulary…
My only regret as a father is that if you knew me better, you wouldn't like me as well. Consequently, I'm not going to identify a litany of my faults. Ignorance is bliss!
Some years ago, John Powell wrote a marvelous book entitled: "Why Am I Afraid To Tell You Who I Am". In the book, the author was honest about his own pain, his own fear of transparency and honesty. He wrote about his desire to impress others with his image, in order to convince them he is not in fact who he is. He referenced masks that hide his identity.
Reportedly, a friend confided to John, "I know why I would have chosen that title. Who I am is all I've got and if you don't like me, there is nothing I can do to change that."
I could have written the book, though not nearly as well. What is true of me is also probably true of others. All of us live with a picture of what we want to be somewhere inside our head. We spend our lives trying to be that person and we project that image to others in a self-protective kind of way.
I ended my correspondence to Craig acknowledging that confession might be good for the soul, but I wasn't going to start today.
All My Best!
Don
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