And just like that, I touched down in Sydney, Australia on November 17, 2017. Australia wasn't exactly in my top ten dream destinations, but life sometimes throws you surprises, right? So here I was, ready to take on whatever Down Under had to offer.
Sydney looked like a postcard come to life – skyscrapers reaching for the heavens, bridges that could make a giant jealous, and parks that seemed to defy the urban chaos. Oh, and let's not forget the accents that felt like a linguistic adventure in itself. People were telling me how lucky I was to be here, and honestly, sometimes, I thought I had won the life lottery by accident.
The first year? Total rollercoaster. It was like trying to juggle while walking on a tightrope– hard as heck but oh-so-fun. Year two? Well, let's just say the rollercoaster transformed into one of those spiny tea cup rides – still dizzying, but I was getting the hang of it. I hustled my way through all sorts of jobs, selling oysters at a fish market, going all ninja with avocados on a Queensland farm, becoming a collagen-packing pro in a factory, and even serving sushi in a Japanese restaurant. My last attempt to have a job that was close to something that I like was to try my hand at teaching in an Early Learning Centre.
Interacting with people from diverse backgrounds felt like a free life course in understanding humanity. It was a way to quickly master adulting skills on the go – about the importance of money and independence, navigating the complexities of relationships, and holding onto freedom like it's the coolest thing. Some even taught me lessons I didn't see coming – how not to be fooled easily and protect myself from them.
I have fallen in love and out of love during my stay here. And in between, I stumbled upon friendships that felt like finding a hidden treasure. But, let's be real, it's also ridiculously easy to bump into people who are more plastic than Barbie's shoe collection.
I felt curious, confused, excited, and alone in a way that felt just right.
When my work and holiday visa expired, I decided to level up to a student visa – basically the immigrant's master plan for extending the Aussie adventure. From a "just one year" mindset, I upgraded to "let's stick around forever and call it home" mode.
Let me tell you, finding a decent-paying job that doesn't require a degree as an immigrant is like spotting kangaroos in the outback – surprisingly not that hard. That's why people from my country dream of Oz as the land of opportunity. But landing a job that matches your skills and qualifications? Well, that's like finding a needle in a eucalyptus forest – super rare and maybe just a myth.
As I soon discovered, my Indonesian resume might as well be an artefact from ancient times once I'm on Aussie soil. A Bachelor's degree from the University of Indonesia and Banking experience? Yeah, cool. But can you handle washing dishes and taking orders while decoding the Aussie accent? Second skills are more valuable. But hey, I embraced the challenge and became a true expert in both banking and dishwashing – talk about a diverse skill set, right?
To become a permanent resident, you need to fit their mould. They're looking for specific skills from immigrants like us, skills like cookery, nursing, childcare education, or even carpentry – trades that make you as valuable as a pearl in an oyster. But here's the twist: if your company sends you over from Indo to Aus, you're not an immigrant; you're a fancy expat, and your story is a whole different kind of book.
And here's the punchline – when I was packing tea and coffee in a factory, my co-worker was a dentist and an auditor from a reputable accounting firm back home. Just a couple of pros, living' the dream, packing coffee and teas, eight hours at a time. Life's funny that way, mate.
My time in Sydney has given me a new perspective on money, and I can't say I'm a fan.
No matter how much money I had in my bank account, it was never enough. Work swallowed my whole life, making me wonder if "work-life balance" was just a fairy tale. As an immigrant, privileges felt like a distant dream. Healthcare entitlements, social security benefits, access to government grants? Nope, not for us. We're the masters of bending over backwards in the hustle and bustle.
To make ends meet, I juggled like a pro. Rent, food, tuition, visa renewals – it was a non-stop juggling show. It's a reality where an easy life isn't a readily available option, except for those born into wealth. I found myself lost in a dead-end factory job that drained my soul. Not the dream, but it kept the lights on.
Among the factory workers, I met immigrants from different countries who had been toiling away for years or even decades. They had earned their PR badges, and some had even obtained the citizenship trophy, not to mention a hefty superannuation fund. But the question lingered – had the decades they invested in those dead-end jobs truly been worth it?
A friend of mine put it bluntly: living as an immigrant in another country means paying for everything, even the air you breathe every day.
Another friend, on a student visa, had a reality check: "Sick days? We can't afford that luxury. While we sniffle, our rent keeps its due date, and tuition fees play hide and seek at the semester's finish line. No time for being sick!"
So, there I was, chasing after those dollar bills like they were running a marathon. I mean, who needs free time or sanity when you can have dollars in your pocket, right? I started treating myself to things I didn't even want, all in the name of "I deserve this for working hard." And managing money? I did not try too hard to think about that because of what? I would earn a fat paycheck next week, after all.
Have you ever heard of financial anxiety? It's like being haunted by the ghost of money problems, even when you have enough on your account. I'd be sweating bullets if my work schedule was a bit uncertain, hyperventilating when they gave me a day off, and practically having a panic attack when someone mentioned they were working three jobs and earning $2000 a week. I would be freaked out for not working enough. And don't even get me started on my main responsibility, the tuition fees I had to pay every few months to keep my student visa valid – those were like horror movie villains in my financial drama.
Had more money than I earned in Indonesia, but more money to spend too, so I turned into a budgeting ninja. I'd go for the cheapest options, even if I could afford something better. Why? Because I was in full-on "prepare for the apocalypse" mode. And turns out, I wasn't the only one with this issue. I've got a friend who's been living in a shared living room, separated only by curtains, just to save on costs. Not because he's crazy or enjoys living like that, but because we both suffer from the same condition: financial anxiety, the ultimate party crasher.
Some other friends keep spending money on branded things living life to the fullest on Instagram, one luxury accessory at a time. But it's their money. Who am I to judge? I'm just here to say this money game hits everyone differently. Some shop till they drop, others clutch their wallets like they're precious gems.
Life felt cluttered with things that didn't really have real value. It's almost comical how, back in Bali, I could live on $50 and feel fine. Must be because I was focusing on what truly mattered: good vibes, flip-flops, and sunshine.
Blame it on my dad's lessons – he instilled the whole "earn your keep, no loans allowed" mantra in me. Being super responsible, though, had its quirks. One day I'm a financial ninja, the next I'm a workaholic robot.
Don't get me wrong, Australia wasn't the villain in this story; it just played its part in the grand saga of my life lessons. Maybe I'm the odd one out, but I've found myself asking the big questions: Is this the script of the "living overseas dream" we're all meant to follow? Should I just keep trading life for soul-sucking jobs until I die? Or is there a different script I'm missing? Maybe I'm just caught in my own version of dreaming big – again.
Sydney, oh Sydney. The city that once dazzled me now leaves me bewildered. Funny how the big dollar paycheck no longer interests me. It used to be the shining armour, the emblem of success. Now, it's just currency, pieces of paper that don't hold the same power. And when people talk about how living in Australia, earning dollars from dead-end jobs, is supposedly better than life in Indonesia, it gets under my skin. Call it national pride or just my immigrant rant, but I can't help but feel irritated by those comparisons.
The frustration simmers beneath my skin, an itch that I can't scratch. Maybe the answers will come in due time, or maybe they won't. For now, I'm stuck in the middle, a crossroads of feelings and thoughts that refuse to form a clear path.
It's amusing how perspectives differ. While some saw Sydney as the ultimate haven – all gleaming skyscrapers, boundless chances, and that shiny dream – But for me, it was like wearing someone else's shoe, again.
That nagging sensation of being trapped and that void I felt in Jakarta? Well, it packed its bags and followed me to Sydney. The depression moved in like an uninvited guest.
Then came a TED Talk that shook my world – "This Could Be Why You're Depressed or Anxious" by Johann Hari. His words hit hard:
"When you're depressed. You're not weak, and you're not crazy, you're just a human being with unmet needs."
"If you think life is about money and status and showing off, you're going to feel like crap."
And guess what? I was feeling that garbage big time.
The next thing I knew, I was back on the treadmill, running towards nowhere, longing for the stop button.
Only one way out – jump.
"When you're depressed. You're not weak, and you're not crazy, you're just a human being with unmet needs."
-Johann Hari-
When something feels incredibly off, it's time to muster up the courage to hit the pause button and give my life a good evaluation.
I started asking myself why both Jakarta and Sydney had become such a struggle, and why my happiness seemed so elusive. Was I just whining unnecessarily? I thought that relocating could provide me with more financial stability and a comfortable lifestyle. Yet, I couldn't ignore the fact that instead of tranquillity, this newfound income was breeding more anxiety and a sense of greed within me.
I yearned for a life that resonated with me, one that I could truly call my own. Despite everyone applauding my corporate life or overseas adventure. I think it was time for me to untangle this paradox and find my way back to what truly mattered.
Buried deep within, a persistent whisper was growing louder by the day – "Start that business in Bali and get that book written!" Yet, fear loomed like a shadow, whispering doubts – what if I stumbled? What if it all crumbled? Those late-night conversations with my insecurities? Classic hits, I tell you.
With a mix of determination and self-doubt, I found myself at a crossroads. Jumping into the unknown was like riding a rollercoaster with a blindfold – a blend of excitement and disorientation. And waving goodbye to the "dream" life Down Under? That stung a bit. Plus, how could I even be sure that my desires pointed in the right direction?
But deep down, I sensed a strength that could rebuild what felt so wrong. A life that resonated with who I was at this moment. The courage to let go of the familiar and embrace the unknown was both terrifying and exhilarating. After all, life is a gamble, regardless of the backdrop. I gathered my courage, locked gazes with uncertainty, and decided to run towards the very thing that made my heart race, even if it meant shaking hands with the unfamiliar.
And as my friend's voice echoed in my mind, "Trust yourself, Ki, have faith. It'll all fall into place." So, here I go, leaping into the misty unknown, armed with a sprinkle of faith and a whole lot of determination. Time to swap the comfy chair for a rollercoaster seat! - AGAIN!
///
"Trust yourself, Ki,
have faith.
It'll all fall into place."
///
Things to tell myself.
#Live a simple and slower life like you always wanted.
#Go live close to the beach.
#Know when enough is enough.
#Your mental health needs your attention.
#Build a healthy circle.
#It's time to let go of what not work for you.
#I know it's scary, but it's going to be fine. You're going to be just fine.
Questions in my mind.
It's 2 am, and I'm still awake.
I can hear the voices in my head fighting.
///
Stay
"Hey silly, why would you want to give up the life that everyone you know dreams of having?"
"Don't you know how lucky you are?"
"Why would you want to drop everything and run to a place full of uncertainty?"
"You are young, and it's Sydney, a place that is supposed to be better than where you came from."
"You've got to hold on. Here you can earn more than what you earned in Indonesia."
"You can buy anything you want, anything you want!"
"Other people can do it, why can't you?"
///
Leave
"Yes, you can buy anything you want. But can you buy your time back, even just for one minute?"
"How much money do you actually need to be happy?"
"Are you happy doing what you do now, being where you are now?"
"Is it the life you wanted?"
"How many more hours are you willing to trade your time for money?"
"Do you realize that you're not only trading time to have that amount of money they say you need to be happy, but also your mental health?"
"It's not wrong to earn money, but it's just not worth losing yourself."
"There's gotta be something you can do to earn while doing things you like."
"What's the point of having a lot of money but no time to enjoy it?"
"Why do you keep buying things you don't need to impress people you don't care about?"
"You're only getting older, not younger."
"If you focus on your other projects, you can earn the exact amount you make here without losing yourself."
"Live a simpler and more meaningful life like you've always wanted, in a place where you don't need to prove anything to anyone, but to yourself."
"What do you really want?"
"What do you really, really want?"
///
Things I love about Sydney.
# Basking in the winter sun.
# Ice latte and banana bread in an old coffee shop at Crown Street in Surry Hills.
# Jacaranda trees in the spring.
# Catching a view of the Opera House from the train in Circular Quay station.
# Coffee and Books at Barkelow Bookshop and Cafe in Paddington.
# Toddler in the early learning centre where I work resting on my lap after a nap.
# Warm chicken soup from Norm whenever I'm sick.
# Never-ending call from Nata to drag me out when I got my heart broken.
# An afternoon tea talk with Andre.
# A hilarious humour-in-the-middle of work with Ucha and our Nepalese fellow.
# A board game night at Fyan and Mario's apartment.
# An endless sarcastic joke from Raefan and Intan about life in Sydney. # A nice brunch with a Couchsurfing friend.
///
Things Australia has taught me
1. I'm a hell of a lot stronger than I thought. (I got burned, cut, and almost got bitten by a snake, yet I'm still here writing this list)
2. How to start my day at 5 am.
3. Kangaroos aren't that cute.
4. How to survive under a 43-degree celcius sun.
5. How to pronouns Flat White correctly.
6. How to say "G'day how ya going mate?" instead of "How are you?"
7. Money means everything and nothing.
8. Spot toxic people who only want something from you and still play the victim in front of your friends.
9. How to spot compulsive liars in 20 seconds.
10. Some friendships are conditional.
11. Some others are real (cheers to those who stay).
12. How competitive my own people can be overseas.
13. How to miss my family.
14. And how to build one there.
///
Maybe I'm wrong, or maybe I'm right
Maybe it's just too late but this is keeping me awake all night
Maybe say yes, or maybe say no
Maybe I'm just too shy to admit that it is time to go
We go out on our own
It's a big bad world outside
Carrying' our dreams and all that they mean Trying to make it all worthwhile
Big Bad World - Kodaline-
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