I flew to Portland to check on my daughter who abruptly changed course after multiple interviews in San Francisco, for those of you who don't know, it takes 4–6 interviews to get a post-grad job these days, and then accepted a job offer in Portland. I was planning on having her at home for at least a year when she dropped the news that she was moving north. I was not especially supportive warning her of the traffic, the rain, the politics, and the 10% state income tax. However, in the end, I wanted her to make her own decisions so I acquiesced, helped her pack, and wished her luck and she was gone in August.
She swore to me it would be temporary and that she would be back in San Francisco in no time. After four months of letting her get settled, I thought it was time for a visit. A shorter time frame would have felt intrusive and like I was hovering, but four months is enough time to create a routine, and have favorite restaurants and special places to share with your mom.
A part of me wanted her to be miserable and move home after a few months, but that has not been the case. As much as I didn't want to like her life in Portland I very much did. She has a beautiful wooded commute along the river that drops her right into downtown Portland where she works in a brick building on First Street studded by trees with golden leaves. She has parking and a desk with a view of the slow-moving blue-green Willamette River that looks like a scene from a J.M.W. Turner painting.
She took me to her favorite restaurant for lunch where she was greeted warmly by the server, then she took me to her favorite bar for drinks, and so on. I felt like I was watching myself in the year after college graduation when I lived in Portland and worked downtown. She has business cards, co-workers, and a place of her own. I often still think of her as a 10-year-old girl and there are times when I can't believe she can drive, so all of this was surreal.
I came home to my other daughter starting a new job at Salesforce where she sends me pictures of the bay from her offices. Before I left I was in the Marina at her apartment. The Victorian details and books stacked against the wall look eerily familiar much like my apartment in Russian Hill where I lived when I was twenty-five and worked downtown. Like a time capsule, she doesn't have a dishwasher or a washer and dryer either and her bathroom has the original pink and green tile from another era. She gets on the Metro 30 to the Financial District just like I did. I remember sitting in the conference room overlooking the bay thinking I was so lucky to be there. Of course, she texts me a similar sentiment with a picture of her view. She also has a political science degree and went into tech after a stint at a lobby firm. Exactly like I did.
My younger daughter went to Oregon State University where I went and she was in the Alpha Phi Sorority just like I was. Now she is living in Portland her first year out of college just like I did. She is working downtown just like I did. The one difference is that she has parking and I was towed more than a few times.
My other daughter went to college to study psychology and then changed her major to Political Science like I did, then she went to London to study finance like I did, and then she moved to San Francisco and went into tech like I did.
I am not one for asking anyone to follow in my footsteps and as most parents know asking them to do so is a recipe for disaster and surefire rebellion. As a result, I have allowed both of them to chart their own course, but It feels like they each took a chunk of my life out of the matrix.
Matrix Theory is based on the idea that the world is like a computer program, with a set of rules and algorithms that determine how things work. Understanding these rules and algorithms is the key to success in life, and anyone can learn to "HACK" the matrix by mastering them or they can hack into someone else's reality. We are all in the matrix some people believe.
I'm not sure what to think of the existence of the matrix, but it's very coincidental how similar our paths have been. With the millions of different paths they each could have taken it does seem odd that history would repeat this way. I would never have predicted any of this, but here we are. The one thing I do know is that the paths I chose ended well and I loved working in technology and living in both Portland and San Francisco.
Matrix or not I'm looking forward to having a front-row seat to what happens next.
Love and blessings to all.
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