Christmas Eve this year landed on a Sunday. Sunday is Thomas' day to come to our house and have dinner; leaving immediately after he takes his meds at 6 pm. No budging on the schedule. This year we were invited to celebrate Christmas Eve with my husband's family, to arrive there around 3 in the afternoon. We were not planning to bring Thomas due to his schedule and the fact that we were celebrating Christmas Day with my family and Thomas the following day.
I called the group home to speak with Thomas and tell him we would see him on Christmas Day. He became very upset which in turn made me upset. I couldn't take my son being upset and just blurted out that I would pick him up, thinking, "ok I'll just stay with him until 6, bring him back and then head over to Tommy's family." This plan didn't go over very well with Lelly and my husband. Lelly became upset because she wanted to spend time with and have dinner with Tommy and I and not watch me be distracted because I was busy with Thomas. She wanted my full attention. A simple enough request.
Tommy took control of the situation, called the group home and explained that we were going out later, could we spend the afternoon with Thomas and would a staff member be there earlier than usual to meet Thomas back at the house. Things were settled.
I never realized that I wasn't giving everyone my full attention. Not that that's even possible. Yes we all multitask and split our attention but in the end someone ends up unhappy because they aren't feeling recognized; that they need your attention as well. I not so proudly admit that I don't give Alyssa and Lelly the attention Thomas gets. In my head I rationalize that with them being neurotypical; they don't need me as much as Thomas does. I couldn't be more so very wrong. Alyssa and Lelly need me more sometimes and it's my responsibility to meet their needs. Even if it means Thomas' needs are set aside temporarily.
I know all my kids know I love them. A ton. If I didn't have Alyssa and Lelly to keep me grounded and appreciate raising typical children when things were so hard raising Thomas; I don't know what I would have done or how I would have turned out as a person. They both influenced my growing as a parent. And for that I can't thank them enough.
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