After all the grey and ick and rain, we have one of those sharp, sunny winter days, and the sun is just SO NICE.
I am still basking in the glow of the new fully functioning clothes dryer. Four loads of linens yesterday... Lily has clean blankets in the living room! All the kitchen towels and cleaning towels are clean! (We were just about to completely run out of them.) Clean sheets & duvet cover & bed blanket!
Sadly, my brother has dibs on the laundry room today... But, I have a big ol' to-do list of other things around the house that need to be done - and because it is a day ending in Y, I don't want to do any of them, LOL.
But, I am happy to report that going back to my little index card box of to-do's has kept me very engaged and on track, and I'm super pleased about that. Today's stack looks pretty monstrous, but it has even the smallest things, like "do your damn skincare" and "water the plants" - because honestly, if it is not written down, it will not even enter my head.
Sometimes your brain needs a piece of paper and a pen...
It is weird and kinda frustrating to have a brain that just can't look around and see "oh that needs to be done" or build routines on it's own. Like, I really wonder what it is like to cruise through the day and just get things done around the house without a second thought. Cause my brain looks around and goes "none of this is actually important" LOL.
I mean, OK brain, no one is going to die if none of this gets done, but can we agree that life is a little more pleasant when you get some lotion on your hands & feet, the couch isn't a depression nest, you remember to take your vitamins, the plants aren't dead, and things are generally just a little bit tidy? No? No dopamine in that? OK, how about pretty multicolored index cards? Yes? Pretty multicolored index cards it is, then.
I will admit to being a little mad/sad that for so many years of my life, I felt like SUCH a failure. To have my shit together with regards to work & school, and then be such a hot mess the rest of the time - I was lazy, didn't care, and was generally lousy at life. That sucked.
But the reality has been just that I'm tired (thanks captialism for making me perpetually afraid of homelessness and overworking myself!), easily overwhelmed, and struggle mightily with task initiation. (Learning about task initiation as a problem was such a "Wait, WHAT?!" moment.)
I really do care, I'm NOT fucking lazy, and I am damn fine at life. I just need to actively make some adjustments, that's all.
And on that note, I've gotten into my comfy pants, and my get shit done playlist is at the ready - time to go trick my brain into getting things knocked out so we can rest later with no freakin' guilt. (I am still working on the "rest without guilt no matter what because rest is a biological imperative" aspect of things - but I'm getting better.)
You have a great Sunday, and if you need to trick your brain into getting things done - that's OK!
No comments:
Post a Comment