I have always been an overthinker. Standing in the shower I will work through countless scenarios that have such a tiny likelihood of actually happening. This can be healthy, but I know I've experienced a tipping point where it is detrimental to my mental health. I will feel my mental state change because of something that I completely made up in my head.
One of those conversations, or scenario rundowns, growing up was the question of how "Can I be a good parent while wanting to be ABDL?" Back then I didn't know what ABDL even was. I knew that I wanted to wear diaper, and I knew that wasn't "normal." This was less of a concern as a teenager, but a real concern nonetheless. This worry was exacerbated by the mental spin of would there even be someone who would want to be with me? How could there be someone who would want to love me when I struggled so much with loving the diapered person I saw in the mirror.
Getting older, attending college and a mission for my church, I went through waves of wanting to wear diapers. ABDL's role in my life ebbed and flowed throughout my early twenties, and calmed down through dating and early marriage before it made another appearance. It was around this time that I began to have that conversation with myself again.
I had found someone who loved me (which should be another conversation because each and every one of you is worthy of love. Being an ABDL does not remove us from being a good person, a loving person. PLEASE hear that, write that down, remember that, and allow it to exist in your life). With dating and conversations about the future as we realized that love was in the air, and we both felt we had found our eternal companion, we began having the conversations that you are going to have before marriage surrounding professions, children, parenting, and the future in general.
It was after these conversations, when diapers and my ABDL side presented itself again, that I began to think about how it could affect my ability to be a parent. How will I be able to handle having children with diapers while wanting to wear them myself?
This became a very real concern for me as my relationship with my girlfriend, fiance, and now wife materialized. Those years ago I didn't realize the tool that diapers could be in my life, if I created a healthy balance through self acceptance and understanding. (The concept of accepting and embracing diapers in my life was something so foreign that it was not even a possibility. I wasn't supposed to want these in my life, and I was somehow less of a person because I did want to put a diaper on.)
I've had a number of conversations with other ABDLs who shared this concern. Parenting is hard enough as it is, and adding an unknown like this can increase the stress already mounting upon us with planning for children.
My own experience was an amazing seperation of my little side and my little ones when it came to their infancy, diapers, and making the connection with our children. My affinity for diapers never encroached on the connection, love, and interaction with my babies.
Through time and growth I feel that I have been able to incorporate the things that I enjoy (video games, yard games, LEGO, sports, and other simple activities often seen as childish) as an opportunity to connect with my children. I do not go into little space or wearing ABDL clothing around them, but I feel I can bring those feelings of peace while also enjoying time with my family. Little space for me is not something that happens often, and is often something that happens to me instead of something I try to induce. I feel it has been a great balance of connecting with my kids by being a bit more like a kid with them.
Balance. I feel, with all things in life, can exist with us and diapers if we can be truly honest with ourselves about what diapers mean to us. Through "normalizing" diapers in our lives, embracing what diapers mean to us, and learning our limits and boundaries will all help in a healthy journey of our lives in diapers. This will look different and mean something different to each and everyone of us. Similarly, our experience of bringing children into this world will also be different.
Please take my experience, and the experience of other ABDLs, as a possible look at how things can or may be. Then leverage your own life, experience, and journey to make the best decisions for you, your spouse, and your family. Be big enough to be honest and true to yourself, and allow yourself to be little enough for diapers to be a positive part of your life.
Be big enough to be little.
Photo: Pixabay
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