Things that schools don't teach us, the most important things we will ever learn in our lives, this parent had, let his own sons, learn on their own…on educating the next generations, translated…
We'd Originally, Thought, that by Doing This, We Will, Reduce the Pressures of the Kids Advancing Through the Grade Levels, but, the Quizzes, Exams Had, Filled Up Their Lives, the Competition Between the Peers, the Placements, are Alive and Right in Front of Them, it would be Hard NOT to Get Anxious about it All………….
The Compressions from the Continuation of Education
Started when my son was in the first grade, one day, he'd come to me with his assignment book, said, "the teacher wants the parents to write down the expectations they have of their children's future and life.", I'd written in a combination of Chinese characters, and phonetic spellings, "make a ton of good friends, grow very tall, loving sports, good in basketball, and that up to graduation, won't become nearsighted, no glasses."
illustration from UDN.com
It was like riding on that time machine, I'd returned back to the classroom of my former middle school, the 127 days until the high school entrance exams, written on the board. I'd switched my seat, since then, I'm now, seated by the podium, in the teacher's seat, I'm the nineth period's parent on-duty tonight in my son's school. At age fifteen, I was in this same school as he was, the same desk, written the same exams….in a daze, I got, caught in the, memories, and, a ton of bitter sweet memories came surfacing back up, and, there were more of the grayed, heavy compressions of us, testing into the next levels of education with us. Seeing how the kids had, scratched their heads, as they get stuck on the practice tests, in the end, the student teacher explained the problems that they all got stumped on. After school, my son carried that five kilogram backpack on his back, walked next to me, as we carried on in conversations, we'd entered into the MRT station, thank heavens, he was, tough enough in built, that heavyset backpack didn't cause him any dent. The MRT trains after the nineth period of school became, packed with the commuters who are then, going home from work, too crowded, the air became, heated up. The working class are now, able to, relaxed, my son and I were, heading, home, and yet, half of his classmates were, rushing to the bottom half of their nights for the cram school sessions.
Before my two sons entered into middle school, I'd set the rules down: first, don't EVER stay up all night to study, go to bed by ten, 10:30 at latest. Because they're in their growth spur, and, there's only one chance for them to grow in height, while there's a ton of studies they will have to manage once they're in the middle and high school years, and even if they fall a bit behind, that's all right, they can catch up on their studies at any time. Secondly, no cram schools, other than the tutoring in English once every week for an hour, focus on listening in class, review over the quizzes, and revise what they got wrong in the quizzes, and we'd, used the money we'd saved on their cram school sessions to take the family out on vacation. Third, can't do away with the leisure activities, unless there's a major exam coming up, otherwise, we'd all gone cycling around the lake, to hike, to the farms to pick the fruits, or movies, or some other forms of leisure. As for the grades, whatever they get, will be, all, right.
I'd originally thought, that by using this means of allowing them to relax can take away from the pressures of their school, but, their lives are filled with the major exams, the minor, quizzes, the competitions of the peers, and, the placements, right in front of them, pressing them hard, not easy to feel at ease. My eldest, is the head of his school and classes, and so, his paternal grandparents, and my own parents would, tell him to go for the medical schools and of the three top choice schools for him, and I'd felt, extremely upset by this, but there was, nothing I can, do. When my two sons turned one, I'd, intentionally, not had them do the rituals of grabbing items that might tell what they're to do in their, futures, because, I'd HATED how the elders loved it when the kids would grab the stethoscopes, the abacus, the calligraphy brush, which will get the adults to expect that that would be the path of career they will have for life, I hated this sort of a labeling!
The Long Journey of Education
One day, this test taking student blurted out to me, "I'm so tired, after the sectional exams, in two short weeks, there's the mock exams for the northern districts, and, after the mock, the month following, another, sectional exam, I lost track of how many sectional exams I'd already taken this semester…………"
I'd told him, "Surely, so many exams, it'd, caused you to not get to bed on time, recently, you'd, stayed up until eleven, this isn't worth it, go to bed early, you'll be up refreshed tomorrow morn, which will help you learn better. Do you know mom's expectations for you?" he shook his head, I'd told him, "my expectation for you, is that you live up to your own expectations of your own, self, and, if on the way to achieving your goals, you need my help, just let me know. I think, you'd, already, set a goal for yourself, I'm not sure if it's your first choice or top three, if you reached it, you must, accept it, then, don't sell yourself short, and feel, that everybody in the school is better than you, because you were able to get in, you're, worth it. By the opposite, if you don't get into the school, I don't want you to feel that you're a failure. There's no "fall out" in this, getting an education is a very long path, so long as you're willing to learn, you will, make something of your, self. For the long run, university, grad school, you may not have a career path in your selected major, the skills you learned, and acquired, that, would be the purpose of, education. A higher degree doesn't guarantee high pay, and high pay is not equivalent to a good life of happiness."
The children is school surely are all, burning, out, and after the nine-to-fivers get off work, they get to relax, but the students, after they get out of school, there's a ton of homework waiting for them, the test they have to prepare for for tomorrow, and, getting to bed by midnight, is a blessing for someone who goes to cram school, and they'd had to wake up at six and get themselves to school by seven-thirty the following morn. We all need balance in our life, with our own responsibilities, and know how to time manage, there's no need, to force the teens who are, already, imbalanced in their lives to pursue the grades. I'm truly glad my son loved basketball, and took after me, shooting the hoops with perfect aim, looking handsome doing it too! And, during the breaks they have in-between their studies, they get to play the cell phone games, to view some videos on TikTok or YouTube, so long as they don't become addicted, I believe, it's a good form of, leisure for them. I'm onboard with both my sons dating, when they couldn't understand why their girlfriends were upset, I'd become, the love master to them, to help them analyze the situation. A lot of parents would prohibit their children from being in a relationship in their middle, and high school years, that they should start in the relationships when they're in the university years, but this is, weird to me, ages thirteen to eighteen is when the children start to explore, and, there's the too important lessons to learn about love, and respecting the members of the opposite sex, prohibiting the teens to fall in love, isn't just against human nature, it'd also, taken away their experiences of youth. The pressures from school are already hard as is, the dates of the young lovers, texting on Instagram, waiting for the responses, these are the memories that youth should not be, deprived, of.
Last night at around eleven, I'd gone to my eldest son's room to check on him, the lamp on his desk, turned, off, his backpack set up. He was blushing, talking on the phone. I'd stared into his eyes, set my cell phone to five minutes, placed my cell phone on his desk, within three minutes, he'd gone out of his bedroom, into the bathroom to brush his teeth. He'd stated, "it's just for ten minutes!", I'd told him, "I don't like it when you stay up too late!", I knew that talking to his girlfriend was one of those, tiniest blessings he had, working hard studying, saying goodnight to his girlfriend, with a smile on his face, he's, headed off to, bed. Child, you'd worked, too hard for the night!
And so, this, is on how the parent helped the son balance out his life, letting the children know, that grades aren't, everything, because it isn't, I mean, surely, grades will get you into a high-end university, but so what? What does a degree from a prestigious university guarantee? Success in life? A good career? Teaching the children to manage their own time, that, is way more important than these, nonimportant things in their lives, and, besides, we can't stay with them, to watch over them for the rest of their lives, it's best, that we instill these values of teaching them to manage their own time, to how to control their desires, to balance their lives out, that, is most, important.
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