Our oldest daughter is getting married! We are thrilled and happy for her and love the person she is planning to marry. Being the mother that I am, I am determined to ensure that the wedding is as close to their version of perfect as possible.They have been fantastic about checking in with us, confirming things with us, and keeping everyone in the loop. And even though the wedding is not until 2025 we have already secured a location and a photographer!
In my attempts to offset the planning stress as much as possible, I have taken on the duties of the preplanning. So I am gathering costs and options and vendors, and like to help narrow down the possibilities. The piece at this moment that becomes is a tiny bit overwhelming is reality versus expectations. Having gotten married almost 27 years ago, for some reason, (even though I was aware there is inflation that has happened)I was unprepared for the price tags associated with quality services. Fortunately, we have some very crafty people in our corner so we will be able to do a lot of DIY.
Knowing how important it is to have tangible and visual memories of the day, we have been working diligently to try and find people that know what the heck they are doing. When my husband and I were married, we did not realize how much we would have valued having a video of our ceremony until after the fact. Thankfully, an Aunt had recently received a new camcorder and was practicing her skills while the wedding ceremony was in progress. Unfortunately, she was not a professional, she took some fantastic views of an uncle's shoulder, and caught just a few highlights of the ceremony, including the marble tile in the church as she raced to the back to make sure she captured our exit. It is a video that we watched quite regularly and even though it is not professional and is only a snapshot we are very happy to have it. Knowing that quality video could actually make or break something is yet another reason we search for someone who can provide, a good and economical service.
And it is in this process that sticker shock has hit. However, as the cards, often fall, or the universe often decides or insert reasoning for spectacularly surprising things. I heard a fabulous story that has helped to put much of this into perspective.
And the story is this. Now granted, I have taken some editorial rights in that. I honestly can't remember who told me the story and the years may be somewhat different than what I'm describing, but I think the gist is the same. Picture it Sicily 1937 (A la golden girls), no I'm kidding. So the story goes a couple was married a fairly long time ago. Let's say 40 years ago. When they were getting married, they had a small backyard wedding and so they asked a friend of the family, who had a camera if he would take pictures of the wedding for them. You know, 40 years ago people didn't have Polaroids and the ability to look at a photo before it was processed. All we had was film. And even then we had to like send it to the drugstore or someplace better to have it developed. So at any rate, this couple gets married, and, as most couples, do they go on their honeymoon and expect everything to be ready when they get back. Then reality sets in because realistically who really has your honeymoon photos for you as soon as you get back? Especially when they have to be developed. And there was no editing, at least not much? I would guess not much back then. maybe editing happened but that's beside the point. So the couple waited and waited and waited some more. And then after they waited, some more, they started calling the guy and he didn't answer. And he didn't answer. And he didn't answer. And then the guy moved. And he was MIA. So ultimately the couple moved on with their life and eventually got transferred to another state and then another state and then another state. All this time having no photos from their wedding except for maybe or one or two snapshots that a family member had caught. No professional, none of the ceremony, nothing that was that special photo that makes your heart warm. They went on to have several children so now I'm thinking it must've been longer than 40 years because I'm feeling like it was a grandchild that told me this. At any rate, I know they went on to have several children, grandchildren, etc. So a whole bunch of decades later they get a message from the guy that took photos at their wedding. He was asking for their address. So being old neighbors and such they gave it to him. And a few weeks later, the dude shows up on their front doorstep. And he has a package for them. He explains that he has had these negatives, it has possession since the week after the wedding. And because he was a budding photographer at the time (who had since gone onto work for newspapers, and then become a specialized photographer), he now realizes the err of his ways. When he initially looked at what he had photographed, he was so embarrassed, because many many many of the pictures were out of focus, or they were a bad angle or someone was blinking or coughing or, just about anything. In his mind absolutely none of the pictures were even close to adequate. So he claimed, he dodged them. And then when he was downsizing his home, he found this box of negatives in his move. He looked at them with new eyes and remembered not only what happened but also how important photographs can be. He then printed them all for them and they were in the package that he brought to them. He told the couple that even though now he can modify and do small touchups and such to photos,there is much more than that…he realizes that having something to commemorate your day was much better than having nothing. Needless to say the couple was overjoyed because they finally had black-and-white photos of their amazing wonderful wedding day. Now granted they may have been shots of feet or a fuzzy bridal pose, but they still had them.
So this story caused me to pause. Not because I lost my memory, which happens on a regular these days 😐 But rather because there was a really good point there. I have seen many people losing sleep over the planning and then the post of the wedding. They're desperate for their videos, their picture, the tangible. They're desperate to find the perfect venue, the perfect flowers, the perfect dress, the perfect everything. I have made mistakenly joined several Facebook groups that are geared towards wedding planning. The insurmountable number of things that people are worrying about blows my mind. From "I let someone try on my engagement ring is it now jinxed?" "My mom bought the wrong color dress to wear in my wedding, and I'm very angry at her". To the caterer, the photographer and the DJ all canceled on me in the last week and the wedding is in 30 days. Sure, some of those things are really important and all of them seem very important in the moment. But if we were to stop and take a moment and think about what is truly important. Is it important to be with our significant other? Is it important to have family there? Is it important to have friends? If we were to imagine a wedding without the blessings of electronics and microwaves and heating elements and dance floors, what would make it perfect?
And so as I tumble this story through my mind, I think for a moment about how much stress there really needs to be versus how this can just be a fun process. We don't have to blow up the bank or lose our minds trying to plan it. We could enjoy the experience and make the most of it. And along the way, we recognize, there may be bumps and small worries, but in the end they will be married, and they will be thrilled. And if I have to wait 65 years for their photos, yeah, I might be disappointed. But they will have the memories in their mind of their special feelings that they created together. No picture or video or florist or anyone can capture that.
So in an attempt to keep my sanity, I am reminded that things will not always be as we wanted or expected, but usually they turn out just right in the end. One of my very good friends likes to repeatedly say "trust the process". In the moment it really irritates me when she says this. Yet at the heart of it, I know she's right, but the other part I just wanted to be right now. I am hereto- forth implementing the "pause". Then focusing on the moment, the reality and the possibility of manifesting all the good things. Because in the end it's the only way to keep our sanity.
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