11 March 2024
The morning began with a gentle rain pouring down on my tiny garden. I could see the water drops on my favorite plant, the one I placed in the corner among the others I've nurtured for almost a year now. It's a lovely dark green and looks incredibly healthy. It always brings a smile to my face each morning. Having plants around me is something I cherish; there's nothing more satisfying than seeing a new leaf ready to unfurl and watching them bloom, one branch at a time. It's a reminder that growth takes time and patience.
I've only recently started keeping plants in my house. This might be the longest I've stayed in one place and the most certain I've been about settling down here in Bali. Previously, I was always on the move—I had a basil plant when I lived in Sydney, a gift from my landlord on Christmas day that I took good care of, or at least I thought I did, but I left it to wither when I returned to Indonesia during Covid. I also had some succulents and other house plants in San Francisco, but I watched them slowly die, probably because we watered them too much. However, my plants here in Bali have thrived as they should. This time, I truly took the time to learn what each plant needs and how to care for them properly.
It's my third time spending Nyepi here in Bali, and I've never experienced such a peaceful and perfect morning. It's quiet, rainy, and gloomy—just perfect. It's just me, my plants, and some birds casually hanging out outside my room. They used to chirp a lot in the morning before construction began on the empty land in front of me, but since then, they've been scarce. For an introvert like me, this day couldn't be more perfect. I finally had the best rest after probably seven months since the construction began. It was so peaceful. This year, I've decided to spend Nyepi day alone. In the past, I usually stayed with a friend who invited me to stay with her again this year. But I'm very excited for this year's Nyepi. The lady who helps me clean my room once a week asked if I would be scared spending Nyepi alone. I asked her, "Scared of what? Ghosts? Or spending 24 hours alone with myself?" I'm no longer afraid of myself, I guess. I'll let you know later.
Nyepi is one of the cultural celebrations that I deeply respect. It's not just a day where everything stops in Bali for Hindus to celebrate their New Year of Saka, but it's also for everyone else here in Bali to understand the message this day conveys. Someone told me last year on Nyepi day that it's a boring day because we can't go out and have fun. And I took that personally. Taking a pause once a year, where everyone can stay at home for introspection and contemplation, is the best way to celebrate the New Year, in my opinion. It's a privilege, I guess. I'm not saying that partying and meeting relatives on other religious holidays aren't fun, but I personally believe that we all need a day for self-reflection. A day to pause, to breathe in perfectly clean air without the noise of music or vehicles, to see a clear sky with stars in the evening. I guess that's why Bali is so special—you have the privilege to simply stop. Even though the local economy heavily relies on the tourism industry, they still recognize that there is one day when everything needs to take a break. That peace is the highest value here.
I had an interesting conversation with my friend's new husband last year on their wedding day. After dancing around to Latin music because he's Chilean and everyone was having a great time celebrating their marriage, he suddenly told me about the time he did a couple of days' retreat in Bogor a few years back. He and my friends had been in an on-and-off relationship for ten years, living and traveling all over the world like two birds. "The retreat was the most life-changing experience I ever had. I was kind of an asshole before that retreat, you know. I guess I was confused about what I wanted and what was important. Now, I have clarity on everything."
We all tend to get confused in life because we have too many choices, too many distractions, too many opinions. Too much ego to prove to the world that we can do a lot of things. We're tangled in an unhealthy cycle of productivity, ensnared in toxic values, tired of competing with literally everyone on social media or in life in general, or playing along in the superficial dating world because that's what everyone does, ignoring the toll it takes on our souls. And in Bali, I was lucky enough to have the whole island tell me to sit back at home, not to do anything, and to face myself. There's no FOMO when no one else is doing anything. My FOMO usually involves trying to be productive every single day until I have no idea what day it is. If only everyone had enough time to be silent for a while. To not listen to outer opinions about who we should be. We might gain a clearer mind, or what my friend's husband called, clarity.
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