We like to make lists but we don't always put ourselves on our list—and one way to do that is to make sure we are getting enough interaction with other people. We need to take care of our temples: physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Friendships help us do that.
We can be so busy with our kids, our parents, our friends, our church, our neighbors that we don't pay attention to our own loneliness or needs. Kathy Vick at RunLikeaGirl.org calls us to "Put ourselves on the list." Is that biblical? Ask Elijah. He should have put himself on his list. Instead, God brought bird food trucks. Not the most appetizing but necessary.
As believers, we may have a wonderful church family where we worship and serve, yet we can still feel alone in our community. Ladies, these things ought not to be. What can we do about it?
Denise noticed that some women in the church choir needed some connecting so she started a little group called: "Girls Night In." Some of the gals were single, some with husbands who would rather stay home. These women had not yet learned to put themselves on their own list, so Denise took the lead.
They began meeting two years ago and still meet once a month for various activities. Usually, it's something simple and inexpensive like a movie and popcorn. Sometimes they do theme potlucks or attend a concert or a friend's child's play.
When I heard about it, I thought: "This is so great and it's so simple—anyone can do it."
Here are 3 of her favorite events:
- Jane Austen movie marathon with lots of tea, scones, cookies and yummy things
- A roll-your-own "sushi" party and watched original subtitled Asian version of "Tortilla Soup"
- At Christmas, they made soy candles and sang along with the movie "White Christmas." Instead of a gift exchange, they donated to a local charity that serves women.
I asked Denise, "What were your expectations when forming the group?"
She replied: "My expectation was to enjoy getting to know women friends. We have become a true 'covenant community'—meeting in each other's homes, eating together, knowing each other intimately enough to pray for each other without having to ask, and serving together and helping out one another like painting a room or moving furniture."
Maybe you need to begin your own "Girls Night In." Even a Zoom Meet-up can help another not feel so all alone. I have 3 Friday zoom meet-up's this month. Nothing fancy. I can wear my robe. But a time to connect. You can't put a price on that.
BUT SUE...
I can hear it now: "But Sue, I already have too many things on my list."
I get that. I've been slowing down some since the new year, and it's a process for me to accept that that's okay. In fact, it's necessary for my well-being.
To add something to a crowded list, I need to look at what's there and decide what I can delete to make room for—dare I say it? Myself.
To not feel guilty doing something for my well-being is a measure of maturity. God wants us whole and fully alive. And one way is to tend to my soul, my health, and my need for community. And all of those tendings fall under the umbrella of tending to my relationship with my Father. He came to give life. I can squander that life with a too-busy schedule.
I read an article that mentioned that one reason we need to stay connected to other people is that it improves our memory! I think that's a funny reason although the older I get—maybe not so funny:
"One of the ways we fight stress and stay healthy is having a buffered social network--which means more than 9-10 friends that you see on a regular basis. It can also help strengthen our memory." (Realage.com)
Now for some of you to see 9 or 10 friends all at once might put you right over the edge. But what their research says is that we need to have that buffered social network to keep us healthy, with less stress, and get a better memory to boot. (Now if I can just remember the names of my 10 friends, that would be helpful.)
IF I'M IN COMMUNITY, WHY DO I FEEL ALONE?
Loneliness strikes in different seasons. Your kids leave home. You change neighborhoods, towns, churches. You compare yourself with someone else, and you feel less-than.
You know God loves you and so does your mom. But you find yourself wondering who might want to hear about your day. Holli-dog maybe, but she doesn't count for true connection. (You dog-lovers may want to argue.)
If you're feeling a little lonely, it's nothing to feel ashamed about. Look at it as a chance to ask God, "Where do I go from here? Who do you want me to be close to? How can I bless them and be blessed?"
We go to the Lord with everything. And He loves it. John Ortberg in his book, Soulkeeping:
Here's how I also know:
"Let us then approach God's throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need" Hebrews 4:16
Which is all the time, I like to add.
When I admit I'm needy, it's an opportunity to come to Jesus, anytime, anywhere. And He might say, "Start a Girls Night In." Alrighty, then.
HOW TO BEGIN
Put your name on your To-Do List.
Pray and ask God, "What's next?"
Text a friend for coffee. Maybe two friends.
Don't make it a big deal.
If you must do lunch, buy a bag salad and a Costco chicken and let them build their own. (Heaven's! Would you mother die to see you do something so casual?)
Do it again. If something is on the calendar, it will more likely happen. (Voice of age and experience.)
Check out my free resource: How to Host a Neighborhood Coffee. Start with the neighbor next door. She can help you plan the whole neighborhood thing.
Do you feel alone in your community? We can't control others, but we can control ourselves. Invite someone to your couch this week and make some apple crisp. They can bring the ice cream. Trishie's Apple Crisp recipe here.
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