Let's call this, "the Confessions of a Glutton", shall we??? Translated…
From the Moment I Was Admitted into the I.C.U., It'd Become, a Living Nightmare, that When I Recalled, I'd Started, Trembling, All Over, Again, that Was, How the, Story, Started………….
That Trial Always Became Back to Mind, Even When I Don't Think about it
The humidity in the winter of Taipei is like the needle in the cotton, not only does it keep getting deeper into the cotton of the clothes, the quilt became burdened by the moisture, became, too, heavy, losing the heat, I'd had to, chatter my teeth a long time, before I was, finally, warmed, back up again, long for my icy cold feet, to regain some of the lost temperatures back. And, in the winters of Taipei, I will only begin to feel that heat coming over my body, as I'd, sat in front, of a pot of, fermented cabbage hot pot that's, broiling, and my body start to warm up, and that comfort, slowly, taking me over, from the inside, out.
And, on an evening like so, perfect for a group of friends, circling around a hotpot, I'd gathered with my old friend, Hearts, whom I hadn't seen a long, long, time. Hearts is a glutton, not only does he eat, he's also, an agile, cook too; I'd gone to his home to get treated, originated from Shanghai, he'd prepared a full table's worth of restaurant grade Zhejiang cuisine, from the stewed bean curds, to the stir-fried shrimps…………….we all, bowed to, his cooking, skills, and I'd, wished that I could, gulf every single plate down completely. And yet, he and I, both gluttons, became, cardiovascular, patients. And, as imagined, we both had stents on our, hearts already, it's just, that he'd had it, worse, during the pandemic, he couldn't dodge it, and had an open heart surgery, not only was there an extra artery placed into his heart, he'd had to stay put in the I.C.U. for close to a whole, month, he'd lost track of night and day then, engaged in that tug-of-war between life and death, pulling, tugging, and finally, his life was, spared.
illustration from UDN.com
This day, Hearts appeared with a fully colored, face, certainly, it's due to his wife, Ying's taking good care of him. Or maybe, because he was intubated a long, long time, his voice was, hoarse, with some lacking of strength too. I was born, sensitive, and couldn't help but thought, why was it that when I'd strained myself a bit too hard, my throat felt, dried, and my voice got, stuck in my, windpipe, and even if I'd managed to squeeze my words out, I'd sound like a, quacking, duck.
Hearts told me, when he stayed in the I.C.U., the nurse worried that he might pull his own tubes out, he was, restrained by the wrists; and the physicians probably dosed him with something that's, quite, strong too, he'd been drowsy, and almost, rarely, was he, ever, lucid, and asked the doctors making the rounds, when he will be transferred to the, normal ward? The response was always, "in a few days, then we'll, see."
As I'd heard, I'd, recalled how back when, when I needed the stents in my heart, the trials of getting admitted into the I.C.U.
That time, I'd followed the advice of a cardiologist I'd trusted, and gotten the stents placed in a second, time, I'd originally lain in the I.C.U., with the saline drip, waited for the transporter to wheel my bed into the elevator to the O.R., and yet, it was the floor waxing time of the hospital, delaying the procedures. I wasn't even in the O.R. yet, and needed to go, but, I can't make a mess out of, what's, already, a total, mess, so I'd, held it in.
Finally, I entered into the stage, seeing the room full of surgeons, nurses, and, there was this woman who looked like a head nurse, called out to me loudly, the man shining that light on me, said, "Light Up" is a program that can have positive influences on the world that we live in, and, the producers of the show, they will, take good care of, me, no worries………at this precise moment, how can I possibly, request that they allow me to go to the, restrooms?
In installing the stents, the patients don't get, anesthetized, the surgeons would ask the patients things throughout the entire procedures. I'd originally planned to recite the Heart Mantra to myself, so long, as I keep my heart steady, time will, fly; and yet, all of my, plans, got messed with with my bladder filling up, waited until I was, about to, burst, I'd begged the surgeons, to let me go to the bathroom. They'd immediately stopped the, surgery, and told me, that he'll call in a nurse with a bedpan so I can, "go". And that person handed over the bedpan, but, how the HELL did I, become, an, emperor, having someone, wait on me, to "go"? And so, it'd felt, too, awkward, and the more awkward I got, the more I couldn't, urinate, although my bladder felt it was, about to, EXPLODE! And finally, I'd, begged the medical staff, "please, take the bed pan away! Let me go myself!"
overindulging...photo from online
And finally, the stents were placed in, thought I would be, wheeled back to my hospital room, where I can finally, relax, and yet, the surgeon was, very careful, "shipped" me into the I.C.U., said that post-surgery, they need to be extra careful, in case of the, unexpected situations.
Gained the Understanding that I Should Not, Over-Indulge
Soon as I'd, entered into the I.C.U., it'd become, a nightmare I shall, NEVER, forget for life. I'd originally thought that this place is with the severely ill patients, other than the sounds of the machines, I could hear that pin drop, and I was, DEAD, wrong!
I was wheeled into the I.C.U. at sundown, until the morning after, it was a total, marketplace, voices, machines, combined into, a disordered, symphony. A female nurse shouted to the elderly man adjacent to my bed, "sir, are you okay? Why are you shaking your head like that?", then, a male nurse, using his loud Tarzan voice, "Come, someone, push this cart over for me!", post-op, I was too tired, just wanted to fall, asleep with my eyes, closed, but, the noises were coming at me like waves, kept, dragging me out of my state of being in-between waking and fully asleep, pushing me, STRIAGHT, into, the icy, cold, ocean. To the middle of the nights, a nurse on shift came to check to see if I were all right, I'd told her, why is it so noisy, why can they just, quiet down, and let me, get some, rest? She'd, apologized, and, explained it to me straight, that due to the high-stress environment the nurses work in in the I.C.U., they're all used to, using a loud voice to, talk, to help relieve the pent up stresses. And so, there's nothing I can do, but to, roll my eye, I mean, I couldn't request, that someone, punch me, so I fall, unconscious, can I?
Thankful, my primary treating physician rushed into the I.C.U. to check on me. Before I poured my heart out, he'd made me on the verge of, cracking, down, and ordered that they take me back to the normal, ward immediately, told me to catch up on my, Z's. My wife who'd been, outside the I.C.U. all this time, went with me to the normal ward, soon as the curtains were drawn in the ward, I'd, immediately went into, hibernation mode, didn't know the time of day, and slept, all the way to noon; when it came time for me to check out, she'd called out to me, then, I'd, waken up, in a, daze.
After this huge trial, I'd finally, come to the, understanding, and, repented for wasting my life away, for not, taking good care of, my "shell". And so, I'd, started, keeping my own gluttonous self, in check, to reduce my own, appetite, every day when I woke, first thing I did, stand on that scale, watching my weight, closely; and, didn't matter rain or shine, I'd, walked for over 10,000 steps per day (and who would've guessed, that walking more than 10,000 steps a day, would lead me to, develop another condition in my, future, but that's, another, story).
I gathered with Hearts that evening, and only had a piece of green onion pancake, two fried dumplings, five bowls of sour cabbage soup, along with…………although, that tiny voice kept on, warning, "know what you're made of, eat less!", but, hearing Heart's trials, thinking about what'd happened to me, I really, DO deserve, to treat my self, to, better, foods.
And so, because you'd loved foods, that's what got you into trouble in the first place, you'd had, surgeries, and, despite how you'd gone through the trials of I.C.U., and you KNEW that you shouldn't, overindulge, but, you can't help, but rewarding yourself, with these foods that you loved, that's gotten you into trouble in the, first place, because, despite how AWFUL this last experience was, you still, can't, help but, love, foods…
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