I'm an older parent. As in when my first child was born AMA was written on my medical chart. This didn't stand for the American Medical Association, which I think one would logically assume, but "Advanced Maternal Age." Then when I had my daughter AMA was "upgraded" to "Geriatric Pregnancy."
Was I wrong to think that label was exceedingly unkind and really had overtures of mean girl? I think not. But the nurse who I asked about being called geriatric looked me up and down and smirked, "Well, you're a lot closer to being old than young aren't you?"
I stifled the curse word I wanted to call her and chose to ignore her remark. But that doesn't mean I forgot it because it's been 24 years and here I am still talking about it.
But let's move on to why I'm going deep about being an older parent. The reason is because I recently got into a conversation with some young moms about how the month of May sucks the lifeblood out of you as a parent.
This is because May is crammed full of super fun (as in not really) activities that threaten a parent's sanity. From the myriad of school projects that all seem to be saved for the last month of school to field day, school performances, and of course graduation ceremonies that have seeped into happening for almost every single grade level.
As these moms were regaling me with all the stuff they have to do I told them I understood because, you know, been there and done that. They seemed astounded to learn that May being the month of doom for mothers wasn't a new phenomenon.
I took their surprise as an invitation for me to share my own experiences. It helped that there was the briefest moment of a conversational pause that enabled me to eagerly butt in.
I went with the biggest story I had. The day my daughter had a book report due that required her to make a three-foot puppet of the main character in her book. My son's invention convention creation was also being presented and judged and it was field day followed by an evening all-school choir concert performed by grade level which meant you, as a parent, were going to be there for hours.
This got the response I wanted – audible gasping which, of course, was all the encouragement I needed to keep on talking. So, I went deep on details like the book report puppet's voluminous yarn braids got stuck in the reclining seat mechanism of our minivan on the way to school which required me to yank out the puppets hair resulting in my daughter crying because her Laura Ingalls's puppet was now bald.
My son's invention convention went smoothly until a mom got in an altercation with a judge and they had to usher the kids out of the cafetorium for their own "safety." I stayed to watch because, you know, why wouldn't I.
During the field day festivities, a bear with her cubs (this was on the West Coast) sauntered onto the playground and mass hysteria ensued.
Then at the school concert three kids, all from the same family, vomited on the risers into the audience. (Their mom said it was probably due to some "iffy" fish tacos they ate.) Due to the smell the concert abruptly ended but not before the odor caused two more kids to throw up.
When I was done with my true-life tale from a yesteryear mom the other women were silent which I took as a compliment. Because there's nothing this geriatric mother likes better than a little shock and awe directed her way.
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Y'all it's time to get your summer reading on! AND I highly recommend my five Snarky Books. From Empty a "laugh till you cry" menopausal revenge adventure perfect for any woman who buys wrinkle cream in bulk to the Snarky four pack - Back to School, Trouble in Texas, Four Seasons of Snarky and Killer Dance Mom.
Back to School is a hysterical read for every mom who's marinated in elementary school parent drama. Trouble in Texas is a tall tale of what happens when a mother just can't stop meddling and enlists her 40 something daughter in her schemes. Four Seasons of Snarky is the ideal book to give to someone who needs a primer on suburban revenge plots. AND Killer Dance Mom is the first Snarky mystery that involves all the crazy of being a dance mom especially when a judge gets murdered.
Just click this Amazon link to find out more! 🩷❤️💜www.amazon.com/stores/Sherry-Claypool-Kuehl/author/B00S5WL2N4
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