Our pastor needed to be out of town this weekend. Thoughtfully, he invited me to fill the pulpit in his absence. Since yesterday was Father's Day, I opted to share a message about the importance of fathers.
Fatherhood is a sacred responsibility. In the introduction to my message, I opted to talk briefly about my dad:
Most of you did not have the opportunity to know my dad. In 2004, he and mother moved to Henly from Odessa, where they had lived for 60 years. In so doing, (and I say this tongue-in-cheek) they figuratively discovered what it was like to live on the edge of heaven.
If you've ever been to the Permian Basin, you know that hills, water and trees are mostly in short supply. Of course, the stars at night look fantastic, but I'd prefer something other than having to wait until dark.
There is (or was) a billboard near the Midland/Odessa airport advertising for the Hilton Hotel. It read: "People Keep Coming Back – It Ain't for the View."
About a year and a half before my dad and mother moved to Henly, my brother and I had a heart-to-heart talk with our dad. We knew that with the progression of mother's Alzheimer's, Dad was eventually going to need help. We lovingly suggested that he had two choices. He and mother could move to Henly, or they could move near my brother in Broken Arrow, Ok. Somehow, it didn't seem like prudent judgment for them to stay where they were. Since dad liked me best, he chose Henly.
Actually, Dad didn't say that in so many words. Truth is, he didn't say that at all. My dad was a practical man! His choosing Henly over Broken Arrow had nothing to do with me or my brother. He chose Henly for two reasons:
• It is colder in Oklahoma than it is in Texas
• Oklahoma has a state income tax.
With both those variables in mind, he had no difficulty choosing Henly over Broken Arrow. I remember being filled with joy when the moving van unloaded my parent's furniture and household goods at 417 Beauchamp. It was a happy time in our lives.
I loved having Daddy and Mother in the neighborhood. They loved living here and they loved this church. My parents were blessed through this family of faith.
After about a year and a half of living here, dad was first diagnosed with colon cancer. After successfully completing treatment, when he went for a six-month checkup, he was subsequently diagnosed with lung cancer.
Dad's faith was such that he trusted God with the outcome. His only concern was for mother's welfare. Dad went to be with the Lord in the early morning hours of Sunday, June 10, 2007. It was the Sunday before Father's Day. I was privileged to be at his bedside.
In terms of how the world measures success, my dad, very much like me, fell in the John Q. Public average category. My dad wasn't famous or highly successful in the ways the world measures success. He lived simply and at the same time he lived purposefully. Although he wasn't famous, that's not to say that he was unimportant. I will forever be enriched from having shared life with him.
I read somewhere years ago, that the best gift a father can give his children is the gift of loving their mother. My parents were married for 61 years at the time of my dad's death. The relationship they shared was one worth noting. Theirs was a relationship of love. It was a relationship of mutual respect, admiration, and support.
For the last eight years of dad's life, the passion and the motivation that kept him going was the simple desire to provide for my mother's needs. After mother's illness took from her the ability to maintain their home, prepare meals, or even take care of herself, Dad stepped up to the plate and lovingly and caringly provided for every detail.
I honestly don't know how he did it; particularly during the last 14 months of his life, when he could have benefitted from a primary caretaker because of his illness. He denied that fact to care for Mother.
Until his dying breath, Dad's primary concern was to ensure Mother was going to be cared for and that her needs would be met. A few hours before his death, he articulated again that he had hope to get well so he could care for her.
It is not uncommon for thoughts of Dad to fill my head several times in any given week. We are told in Scripture: "The righteous man walks in integrity; his children are blessed after him."
It was Dad's desire that life be easier for us than it had been for him. He wanted us to have the advantage of a college education and a career track where we spent our days loving life and loving our work. He was a man of wisdom and a man of faith. A better role model could not be found.
All My Best!
Don
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