In my early mornings with the pup, it's given me a chance for quiet, introspection in the early morning when it's just me and him. Something I've honestly desired, to have an early morning wake up, for a while now but had never committed. I was good…
In my early mornings with the pup, it's given me a chance for quiet, introspection in the early morning when it's just me and him. Something I've honestly desired, to have an early morning wake up, for a while now but had never committed.
I was good when the kids were young, had to, right. Then 2020 years hit and I can see so clearly, hindsight is a beautiful thing, just how much wind was sucked from my sails!
Waves, is the best way to describe and process it all. With Love.
We've had Gunner in our life for almost 3 weeks and it was the jolt I needed. In the days between Becker and Gunner, I received a clear message as I was thinking ok maybe this is what I need to kick myself into gear and I heard, that's the point mom...
Truthfully, even before Becker passed, even before he had a lump burst I had a deep small fear beginning to surface. Gunner is my 3rd dog, I always had a dog growing up at my parents, however when I was 18, that is when my first little man, Elwood came home. In the midst of a very unhealthy relationship. He was my gentle protector and demonstrated that one evening when a guy walked into the shop I was in and growled and came and sat in front of me. The year Becker came home, was one of the most challenging years of my life in literally every area of it. His life with me, he was a strong emotional support and he knew it without me even asking. He would come and put his entire body on me, when I wouldn't want a single thing to touch me. The fear beginning to surface, was that this may be repeated, especially when I declared 2024 a year of healing.
The past almost 3 weeks, the desire to rise early, has been every single weekday by 5 or 530am and on the weekends by 7 - with the exception of the past Saturday when he got to meet his puppy cousin and he slept until 9am the next morning!
He has forced us to ground, to BE in the moment and to rise with the sun, in the best possible way. Much like the beautiful energy and existence of a child and their intuition. Fun and laughter of play time, the connection when he makes eye contact. To help pull us out of this void that we hadn't realized had become so deep. Even with the healing we have been doing, individually and together, its evident some has been more surface.
Slipping deeper into trust, allowing the fear to wash away. Trusting that this IS the year of healing. As hard as it was to have to say goodbye to our Becker, we knew as he was aging and the day would come. I feel peace in my heart, regardless of what anyone else may think, the way things aligned for us was beautiful. As another fear, I hadn't actually realized was deep within is that I would come home and find Beck or something would happen and we wouldn't be here for him.
The day before Gunner came home, a prayer was answered, Beckers ashes came home. His spirit has been here the entire time, however it just felt right to have to have them back before we began this next chapter.
There are no coincidences in love, even with the heartache - nope not fun in the moment, there is growth, there is expansion, there is healing. When you trust those intuitive hits, magic happens. With so much gratitude and love!
My wee handsome Gunner at 10 weeks Copyright Pamela Zmija
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