As I sit here on June 2nd, I never would have guessed I would be here at the beginning of May. On May 6th, our family life took a sharp turn when a cyst burst on our senior dog, Becker's, chest and we took a step into the unknown. May 19th, earl…
As I sit here on June 2nd, I never would have guessed I would be here at the beginning of May.
On May 6th, our family life took a sharp turn when a cyst burst on our senior dog, Becker's, chest and we took a step into the unknown.
May 19th, early in the morning, I woke up and something pulled me to Instagram, I even resisted and thought to myself, why? I don't need to take a step into others lives before my own. The pull was strong, ok just go on and see what it is that I need to see. As I opened Instagram, the first post that popped up was from the same breeder we got our Becker from, a yellow male available. As soon as I saw it something pulled on my heart strings, but then that sinking feeling entered, something will happen to our Becker. I even said to myself, no our Gunner isn't born yet... I closed my phone and went about the morning.
Our Becker May 18, 2024
Merely hours later, our sweet ol man Becker, unfortunately had a bad seizure while we were out gardening. I am truly grateful both my husband and I were with him. Time felt so long, and yet it went very quickly. While we were in the vets office, after saying goodbye to our sweet boy, I left the room and went to the washroom, as I was returning, I looked up and saw 1:11 in big bright red numbers.
Truthfully, the time leading up, after the cyst burst and doing wound care for him, we knew we probably wouldn't have a lot of time with him, we knew we needed to stay close to home, which is why that long weekend the option of heading to the family cottage, was a firm no for us. I realized a few days after he passed the weight I was holding during that time.
The next morning my husband asked me to reach out to the breeder, to get our name on the list. At that time I let him know what I saw on Instagram. At the time we had my parents dog with us, which we were so grateful for. She was able to have a full week with her best friend, she understood he wasn't well and she did so good with him. She held our hearts the week and a half after. When I was typing the email, he threw in another thing he wanted me to ask... do they have any upcoming litters that have Becker's dad in the genealogy.
Tuesday morning I received a response back from the breeder, 10 min after I cancelled our Becker's auto food order, the reminder came in late on the 19th. The breeder had a few options for us, they had a dark yellow male available by May 30th, a light yellow litter for mid June and then the next litters would be approx August and September to head home. My intuition already told me, when I saw 1:11 I knew Beck was at peace, and we were on the right path. Truthfully, the time he wasn't well, I was totally off, I was out of alignment, I was seeing angel numbers literally one off, I was living my daily in fear and worry, when would it happen, would I find him, will I know when to make the decision... Saturday evening, I verbally said out loud, ok I surrender and I will know when the time is right and will be in full alignment.
We committed to going to see the little dark yellow male on Sunday, before Sunday our family had already emotionally decided. The following Thursday May 30th, our Gunner came home.
He is such a laid back pup, plays hard and then crashes, already loves his family unconditionally and is my wee little shadow. His great, great granpa... is Malloy, Becker's dad ❤ He is also cousins with my parents dog!
Why did I lean so hard into my intuition for this little guy... because when we moved to this house, our Elwood lived here with us for 2 days and then sadly had a seizure and we had to say good bye. Im grateful both my boys had the BEST lives and each almost reached 13. A couple days later I emailed the breeder to get our name on a list for a yellow male, a few days after that we received an email, that our boy was born. It felt surreal and I was rocked. My Elwood was such an emotional support for me and as much as I thought I had healed, Becker stepping in took me to the next level. Our kids were young, 3 and 4 at the time. Becker was the best dog to raise our wee kids up with. He loved on them hard and he truly was our loving protector with unconditional love always. I deeply felt that our Elwood moved with us, to know his family was ok and would BE ok without him, because we would also have our Becker.
As much as it hurt so much emotionally that Sunday, I knew Becker knew we would be ok... To know that he is at peace and had the best life. When I took the photo of him on Saturday in our front yard, it deeply reminded me of the photo I took of our Elwood, in our back yard, the day before he passed. As soon as I looked at the photo, I had a sinking feeling it wouldn't be long, to the extent of thinking there's no way it could happen again...
I had to lean in, I had to trust the process.
I had to turn ALL fear of judgment from others OFF.
To lean in FULLY to the love and connection with this beautiful boy, who was clearly brought into my awareness for a reason to join our life as a family. As much as we all miss our Becker, I am truly grateful and thankful that he had a very full life with us.
Excited for this next stage with Gunner, whose name Ive had tucked away in my heart for a good handful of years. I did a lot of healing with my boys Elwood and Becker and its now time for deeper living and connection within me and the world around with baby Gunn!
Gunner's mom is a lighter yellow lab and his dad is a fox red lab. We were able to see his dad when we went to see him, he is a beautiful tall male. We suspect Gunn will be a big boy!
I never would have suspected at the beginning of May that we would ever be here, truly feels like divine intervention!
Hes been a good little boy, receptive to all of us and has even begun using the bells on the door the odd time, as we teach him to use those to let us know he needs to go out. Last night he slept through the night and Friday night he stirred when I got up to pee, so we had an outside bathroom break/quick play time and then I put some of the Balance and Serenity oil mix I was using with Beck and Kels, the night before went 5.5 hours straight (we also had a later night!).
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