I did not win a tony last night, but I am forever TONY NOMINATED, and it has all been so worth it. I'd be lying if I said I didn't think about what I MIGHT say if were I to have won, and I hate it when people pretend like they truly didn't think about what they might say if they won and faux stumble through their gratitude because YES YOU DID, YOU DID THINK ABOUT IT, YOU ARE A HUMAN BEING, WITH FEELINGS, AND AN IMAGINATIVE BRAIN. So here is my acceptance speech for the version of the world in which I did win, which would be a wonderful world, but this version is also pretty great. Is putting the acceptance speech I didn't get to say on the internet a loser move? Maybe, yes. But I'm the happiest, luckiest loser there ever was.
*stumbles to stage, in shock, feet bleeding from shoes, hand over mouth*
Wow, WHAT? Thank you all so much. (The applause settles.) Ingrid Michaelson. (The crowd CHEERS FOR HER and she sparkles in it.) You are a genius. The best part of all of this is the friendship and collaboration I now have with you. I share this with you. (More cheers for Ingrid Michaelson.) Thank you to my parents for my endless love and support, my Dad is actually here with me tonight, somewhere up in the balcony, HAPPY FATHER'S DAY DAD! To my husband Morrison, who's back in LA keeping our children alive, I love you so much and none of this is possible without you. Thank you to Michael, Schele, Katie, Mary Ann, Dorian, and the rest of our incredible cast and crew, I share this with you. Thank you to your producers, Kevin and Kurt, for so tirelessly championing us, and to Nick Sparks for the beautiful story. Thank you to my team: Derek, David, Larry, Chelsea, Molly -- (the prompter starts shouting at me to WRAP IT UP) -- and last I just want to say, I know I'm not the only person here tonight who's had their heart broken by critics and I just want to say -- (WRAP UP MUSIC STARTS) -- no, hold on, I just want to say -- we don't do this for the critics. We do it for our audiences. And this award is proof of that. So thank you to our audience. We love you. (I stumble off stage, and into that future.)
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