How to raise a teenager, so they don't, HATE you? Just give them the space they needed, and, be there for them when they need you to, that's the only thing you can provide for them, when they're, going through their, puberty years, like this uncle had realized, with the wise advices from his coworker…translated…
The me right now, I look forward to breakfast hour with my nephew every day. In his hardest year of school, the final year in high school, I'd felt bed that he had to get up early at five to commute to school, so I'd, decided to, take him to school myself.
The morning traffic isn't jammed up, he'd arrived to school quite early, and we'd gone for breakfasts close by to his school, to share that period of free time before school and before work, and, the welcoming greeting from the shop, had some sense of ritual for us.
illustration from UDN.com
Due to things that happened, since he was born, my nephew had been, living with me, time flew, he is entering the university after the summer this year. The joys of adolescents is, wonderful, and yet, it's difficult, due to the teenage hormones. As an educator, I completely understand kids during this stage of life, the priorities are their cell phones, or boy or girlfriend; but, the aloofness of the technologies are often, upsetting to me, comparing to how clingy he was to me, how close we were from before, I couldn't accept this, but there's, nothing I can do, but forced myself to, adapt.
And, as we got to the breakfast shop, the conversations got reduced to, "do you want some breakfasts with me?" "are these what we're, ordering?", and the like, then, he'd gotten lost in his cell phone, as we waited for the orders to get served to us, then, we ate by ourselves, without, any exchange. And, every time there was, that silence in between, I always recalled how when we'd traveled to Japan from back when, how we were able to, chat about anything, everything, and nothing at all, as we ordered our meals and consumed them.
Other than silence, the orders themselves, are, this, huge, gap I couldn't, cross. For the adolescents, fried chicken, fried dumplings aren't too greasy, but, at my age, even the fried egg pancakes, became, burdensome to my, body, and, talking about the items we'd ordered, became, a far-fetched, dream, "your order seemed, delicious……", talking to myself now, and I can only, pick up the papers in silence, and skimmed through the headlines; while my nephew continued taking over the land in that, virtual reality of his, while I don't even get a citadel handed to me by him, not even, a thanks.
Once as I'd told my coworker of these times of breakfasts that were special, yet, estranged with my nephew, she'd told me, "he will, totally miss it when he's, older, and feel grateful for an uncle like you, even though he doesn't say it now.", then suddenly, it'd, hit me, surely, I'd given to him, not for the sake of anything in return, I simply wanted him to sail through the teenage turbulences, with little to no trouble, to help him understand, that despite how isolated he may feel, there are still those who are by his side, loving him.
Since that day, although, we still sat for breakfast, with our, diverse flavors, but we'd, begun, talking about his dreams and his, futures. Although my nephew still chose to stay quiet most of the times, but, that comfort of being cared for, and not being invaded into, it's, the smallest precious moments of life that he has.
Nobody teaches us how to be uncles, I am also, quite estranged from my own, uncle, but, as I'd known, I wasn't, going to ever have an, offspring, at least, as an elder who can still offer the love, I will, help him with a small passage of his life, to give without, asking, needing, or expecting anything in, return.
And now, as the fried chicken got served, he would ask me on his own, "hey uncle, would you like some?", I'd smiled and told him, I'm already, too, fat already, but, there's that, happiness inside my mind, and that's, enough.
So, this is your expectancies of how you'd raised your nephew and he didn't show his gratitude, because he is in his teenage year, and being a teen, everything IS, awkward, the hormones, the interactions with the world around, and thankfully, your coworker had, pointed it out to you, and, you'd decided to, just be there for your nephew, to support him emotionally, and, surely enough, he'd felt your care and concern, and the two of you related to one another, more intimately now.
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