Dear Snarky,
I'm very upset right now and I'm trying to hide it from my 8-year-old daughter. I'm divorced and her dad is getting remarried. My daughter is going to be a flower girl in the wedding. It's great I'm all good with it and my daughter was excited until a HUGE issue arose.
All of sudden the bride, my ex-husband's fiancée and my daughter's soon to be stepmother demanded that my daughter has to cut her hair, which is half way down her back, into a chin length bob so she "will match" her new step sister who is also a flower girl.
My daughter loves her long hair. It's gorgeous and she gets compliments on her "beautiful hair" all the time. She's also a competitive dancer and her hair has to be in a bun a lot which is impossible with a chin length bob.
When the fiancée told my daughter that she's going to cut her hair off the next time she visits my child cried and cried. And my daughter said she would rather keep her long hair and not be in the wedding. I agree 100 percent and have my daughter's back 100 percent.
Now my ex-husband – note I have primary custody - is furious that our daughter doesn't want her hair cut and said that as her dad he has the right to cut her hair or even shave her head if that's what he or his soon to be wife wants to do.
Thank God, my daughter and I are currently on a 2-week vacation and he can't get to her to cut her hair.
I've contacted my atty and I'm ready to do battle, but I've had a few people tell me to pick my battles with my ex and maybe this isn't the battle I should pick. I don't know. I think this is definitely a battle I need to fight.
Signed, Keep your hands off my daughter's hair
Dear Hair,
You are absolutely right this is a battle to pick. Make no mistake this isn't about hair. It's about control, jealousy with some evil thrown into this dumpster fire.
What this soon to be stepmom wants to achieve by cutting your daughter's hair is to assert her dominance over your daughter, mess with her self-esteem, and to make her very unhappy and I think perhaps take pleasure from all of the above.
As for your ex-husband insisting he has a right to cut your daughter's hair well I would go full Mama Bear on that.
Bravo for getting your attorney involved and I'm sure your legal representation can get it in writing that your ex-husband can't alter your daughter's physical appearance in any shape or form.
I might also go so far as to request supervised visitation because I don't want to scare you but I wouldn't want this new stepmom left alone with your child and your ex sounds like a dangerous idiot and a bully.
So by all means do everything in your power to protect your child's mental and physical health and if someone tries to tell you to get over or it's just hair and it will grow back ignore them. They're simpletons who either can't or refuse to see the bigger picture.
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