Fourty-one trips around the sun. Fourty-one birthdays. Fourty-one opportunities to reflect. What is it about birthdays that encourages nostalgia and self-reflection? Are they not just another day in the year?Growing up I always had an issue with Yom Kip…
Fourty-one trips around the sun. Fourty-one birthdays. Fourty-one opportunities to reflect. What is it about birthdays that encourages nostalgia and self-reflection? Are they not just another day in the year?Growing up I always had an issue with Yom Kippur. I didn't understand why we set aside a day to atone for our sins. Should we not be repentive every day? I tried to live my life in the same vein. Being reflective and forgiving each opportunity I have, instead of at predetermined intervals.
So on this birthday, I reflect on what I have learned and what I now know. As I get older, I try harder not to let the opinions of others weigh me down. I try not to let what others think of me determine my self-worth. But dear God, is it hard! As a perpetual people-pleaser this sometimes feels next to impossible. I know that I measure my own worth based on how useful I am to others.
The idea of just "being" and not providing continual acts of service feels like such a daunting task. But I also know that I cannot possibly continue this way. The adage of not being able to pour from an empty cup rings true here. And there is a reason why cliches are just that - because they are often spot on.
We cannot stay in places that do not bring us joy. This is not to say that every day will be rainbows and sunshine, but overall we cannot remain stagnant or stuck somewhere out of a sense of obligation. I read once that kids don't need two parents together. They need a happy mother. I want my kids to see me experience joy and love and reap the benefits of that. I want them to see what healthy relationships are. What it means to be respected and appreciated. Because when they get older, they will seek out relationships that mimic what they are modelled. I don't ever want them to question their worth.
Happiness is not linear, but it can be fleeting. Recently, I listened to Mel Robbins speak about joy being the hardest emotion to feel.
She explained that when we have been through difficult times, we have the hardest time experiencing joy because we are wired to question it and wait for the proverbial other shoe to drop. So we spend all the time we SHOULD be experiencing the joy worrying about when it will end. Happiness needs to be experienced in the moment.
That said, there is nothing more important or more elusive in this world than time. I have always felt this in my core, with one of my dominant love language needs being quality time. But as I get older, I appreciate the sacrifice this takes on behalf of others. With our lives consumed by work, kids, errands, and other obligations, I have a keen awareness that there is always somewhere else someone can be. So taking the time to be together should never be taken for granted, and always cherished. There is nothing truer than the notion that it is never work or a burden for someone who really cares or wants to put in the effort.
This year has simultaneously been one of the most difficult, and the most fruitful. I have celebrated gains both personally and professionally, and experienced major setbacks. Has it been a win overall? Has the good outweighed the bad? It is easy to have negatives supersede everything else. So in the end I am not entirely sure. I do know that the positives have been some of the best I have experienced. And I am so grateful for those experiences and the people who have made them possible. One person in particular- and you know who you are. Although if you don't, then I clearly am not doing my job. And I know in my core the things coming on the horizon are the best yet. Cheers to the next 365 days ❤️
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