And You'll Never Believe With Whom
"To fall in love with someone's thoughts - the most intimate, splendid romance." ― Sanober Khan
It's been a typical summer. Busy, challenging, unpredictable, and it feels as if I got stuck in one of those revolving doors that spin around and around, but you never get anywhere.
We started the week off with a delicious meal at Doppio Zero, a swanky new Italian restaurant in downtown Campbell, to celebrate the birthday of our dear friend Jim. Of course, we ended up on Jim and Sue's patio for a splash of wine, allowing both our meal and the evening to settle slowly.
The four of us have been friends since college (over four decades ago for those of you who struggle with math), and now, when we look at each other, lounging comfortably on our Adirondacks, we can't help noticing the effects of aging. The thing is, we still feel like we did when we were in our 20s, but today, it's with much less energy, passion, or hair.
What can you do?
We might flail against the indefensible passage of time, which vanishes without warning or remorse, but nonetheless, she marches on.
Maybe our most valuable resource is not our 401(k)s. Perhaps it's more ethereal, like good friends, a sip of wine, and a lazy evening on the patio. It's our intangible wealth, which takes a lot of time to build, but if you invest properly, the dividends are enormous. That might be the best thing about aging! Our careers are no longer the priority; it's our relationships, and we finally have time to enjoy them.
The next morning, Larry and I headed to Carmel to spend a few days with my cousin Vicky and her husband, Dave. We've been doing this for several years since they have been escaping the heat of Austin, TX, for the cool temperature on the coast—a reversal of the snowbird migrations.
Screenshot
They rent a little cottage on the ocean's edge with views of Point Lobos. The sunsets are extraordinary, the space is cozy, and the sound of the waves lulls you to sleep at night. We enjoy long walks along the coast, ogling the houses with ocean views, doing a little wine tasting, and enjoying a nice meal together.
It's easy with Vicky and Dave. Our companionship is solid from decades of friendship. It never feels forced or formal. We're familiar and relaxed with each other, we feel a sense of camaraderie and closeness when we're together.
On the way home, I was mentally preparing for our upcoming trip to the lake for the Fourth of July celebrations. Close to a dozen people will stay at our house this year, so I need to organize our meals, consider the heat index, and plan our social schedule. Friends and relatives will be holing up at every other house in the subdivision, and believe me, it will be loud, chaotic, and uproariously fun.
Upon our return from Carmel, Larry and I watched the grandkids while Julie and Nic spent adult time with the neighbors. After several rounds of French toast, I curled up on the back porch couch with all three of my granddaughters, laughing at silly videos and sharing our stories until bedtime. I never wanted the night to end.
As you can see, carving out space for creativity and silence is a struggle during the summer. When the noise ratio outweighs the silence in my life, I can no longer hear the soft muse inside my head who inspires every word I write.
It's as if she gives me the silent treatment because I've ignored her, and now she feels unappreciated. I don't blame her. The only time she gets to stretch her legs, so to speak, is when I walk with her, giving her my focus, my time, and my full attention.
She's sort of needy, like a puppy or a husband.
When I am out of sorts, this is usually why, and it's as if I no longer know what's in my own heart. I start writing unconsciously; it's sloppy and incoherent. I reread my words, yet I do not understand where they are trying to take me. I delete. I try again…you see where this is going.
Nowhere. I'm back in that damn revolving door.
I depend on this inner wisdom exclusively. I always have, and the only way to access her unique form of intelligence is to get quiet and listen. Try that with Larry pacing in and out of your writing space, crowing on and on about RAGBRAI, the maps, the elevations, and the distances each day. I look up, dazed, as if I exist in two worlds and am not doing well in either.
So, I'm going to be a little selfish today. Finding time to play with my muse is my current priority. When I get writer's block, it's because I'm not carving out that time. I am allowing everything and everyone else to distract me.
I've been contemplating the idea of intangible wealth for an entire week. It evades computation, but I've come to the conclusion that its valuation is based on love.
I know I'm going off on a tangent, but stay with me, and I'll try to explain.
When I spend time with myself, it is good for my soul, it's the only thing that fills my tank so to speak, and only then am I able to give of myself to others. If all the chaos in the world is created by a lack of love, then what the hell? Unplug, unwind, and spend some quality time with yourself.
There was this guy, a lawyer of all things, who was whining to Jesus a couple thousand years ago about the plethora of commandments. He asked Jesus, "Could you just whittle it down to the most important one?" And although Jesus was probably annoyed, he said, "The most important commandment is to love. That's it."
I've noticed that when I experience someone's work that strongly resonates with me, I see love hiding in the words, in the art, in the poetry. Work that holds my attention, triggers my sense of self, and inspires me in ways that are hard to define always comes from someone who is tapped into their inner voice.
Weird, I know, but it's true. We should remember that we are all a safe haven for someone, and wouldn't it be nice if we could be that for ourselves?
So, what's my roundup today? I think it is this. I have to schedule blocks of time specifically for silence, ease into that soft chair of the mind, and allow it to cradle me. I've learned that my sweet muse will appear if I give her the opportunity, even when it feels uncomfortable and awkwardly quiet. Resisting the urge to blast my summer playlist is helpful when refueling my soul. Who knows what I will discover or where that wisdom will take me?
When I allow that provocative voice to lead the conversation, making space for a presence who is eerily familiar yet shockingly new, is when the magic happens. It's the same delight we feel when we're getting to know someone new, falling in love, and letting our guard down. I'm falling for me this time. Yes, I am. As Khan says, to fall in love with someone's thoughts - the most intimate, splendid romance. We're at the giddy stage, and we don't care that we're stuck in a revolving door; you'll just have to deal.
I'm Living in the Gap, enjoying my new love, Bahaha, join me in the comments!
Guess what? I have a book out with a bunch of provocative essays on life. They came from my muse. Grow Damn It is available in paperback, on Audible, and on your Kindle. I know, it's so convenient.
No comments:
Post a Comment