Dreams are funny things. I will go weeks or months without remembering a dream, and then I will go through stints where I remember multiple dreams in a night or multiple nights in quick succession.
Some time ago I woke up from a dream with partial recollection of the experience. I remember in the dream that I was talking to another ABDL about why we wore diapers and our paths of self acceptance. The impactful moment was a question I asked this ABDL, "what brings you hope?"
When I was searching for self acceptance I was looking for hope, I was looking for peace. I had wrestled so many times with diapers in and out of my life, and I wanted something different this time.
Perhaps the question and the entire dream was a conversation with myself where I was reflecting. That's the funny thing with dreams. We can interpret them in a number of different ways. In the memory that lingers since I had the dream I do not think I was talking to myself, or at least the person I was talking to didn't necessarily look like me.
Either way, what brings us hope?
For many ABDLs, early on diapers do bring them hope. It brings pain and shame with shallow understanding of the role they play in our lives. We run from them, and eventually run back to them. It wasn't until I was able to push past the initial reaction putting a diaper on did to me that I found the deeper reason I was putting myself back into a diaper.
Through self acceptance I found hope. I found the answer to the question that I posed to the ABDL in my dream. I found hope that I could be a good person while wanting to wear a diaper. I found that I could be a worthy husband, father, and priesthood bearer with a crinkle in my step. I found that diapers didn't make me a bad person.
You, yes you, the ABDL or spouse or friend or parent needs to hear that to. You are not a bad person. The journey in learning what diapers mean to you will likely not be easy, but if you allow yourself to love yourself you too can find hope.
Spouses, friends, and parents are also not bad people for initially not understanding why someone they know and love would want to wear a diaper and do regressive or infantile things. We know we don't fit into a "normal" mold and work hard to find our place in life (and often our place in our own skin). I plead that you find space to be kind. Please listen to understand as they share things they themselves may not fully understand yet. I truly didn't know some of who I was until I was able to vocalize it to my wife. Please understand how special you are to them if they are willing to share this part of who they are with you. They trust you.
It doesn't have to be a dream. For too many years I feared that understanding myself was out of reach. For too many years I felt unacceptable. I couldn't love myself because I was ashamed of what I was. I had to finally stop running from myself, and try to embrace myself. I had to try to love myself as those around me love me. I had to love myself as the Savior does.
Find your peace, find your hope.
Photo by Ron Lach
No comments:
Post a Comment