I went back and read Diapers and Intimacy (There and back again) recently to see where I was a few years ago, and to see if I had progressed in that time. I've appreciated my blog as a journal of sorts for my journey, and a way for me to touch base with myself and see how I'm doing.
In a book I'm reading right now it talks about the importance of revisiting goals, and adjusting where needed. Often we set goals and they become cemented in place when they need to be moved as we learn, age, and grow in life. Ralph Waldo Emerson is attributed with saying,
"That which we persist in doing becomes easier to do, not that the nature of the thing has changed but that our power to do has increased."
When we become better at something we need to move the goal post. Runners don't stop running with the goal of doing a 5K. Academics don't stop learning math at an 8th grade level. Musicians don't stop progressing in their learning after they finish the book they are currently working on. We must all perform a self evaluation or a "gut check" and see where we are not properly applying pressure for our growth.
While reading the previous post about intimacy I realized that my definition or scope has expanded in relation to that word. Previously I was thinking mainly about the goal post of sexual intimacy with my wife and how diapers could be a barrier to that connection. I believe there is more depth to what I consider intimacy that includes all levels of how we connect and interact as a couple. Comfort levels and further normalization with diapers as part of my life has helped them not be something that changes attitudes, emotions, or situations. Rarely do they come up as a point of conversation regarding if I'm wearing or if I plan to wear when some event occurs.
I feel I can be more and more myself without reservation or worry that I will have done something unintentionally wrong, or ruined a moment. Are we still growing together? You bet! We spoke somewhat recently (initiated by my wife) about where she was from a comfort-level perspective, and our next steps of eventual growth. I don't push these areas, and have found good success as they've been able to happen organically. This has reinforced to me once again that this part of my life is a marathon and not a sprint.
What has consistently worked the best for us has been open and honest two-way communication. We both know where each other stands, and while that can hurt at times because it may not be what I or my wife wants to hear but we leverage our relationship to continue to work together.
While there have been many baby steps forward, there have also been some pretty big steps forward as well. I appreciate my wife so much and her willingness to love me. To love ALL of me. She sneaks in little moments where I am reminded how lucky I am.
It takes hard work, but it is absolutely worth the effort!
Photo by Kaique Rocha
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