I had written a couple of days ago that I was livid about my husband not taking a plate down to the hotel kitchen. It actually goes further back than that. In the very early days of living in the same space, we had a major argument about chores in our rental. We had rented a house and he found many things he felt needed to be done. In fact, he made a list of all these things. However, he didn't do the punch list. Honestly to this day, I think he picked this fight so he could take off to a music festival. I was stuck in a new city where I didn't know anyone on a holiday weekend. Honestly, he almost came home to an empty house, I was ready to move back to Maine. However, this is where it gets good. So, it is the 4th of July weekend, and the punch list is sitting on the table. I was on the phone with my girlfriends. I ended up doing the entire punch list in 5 hours. There were 60 items. I was doing the last task washing the windows. I was attacked by a swarm of yellow jackets. I was swollen from all the stings. This was a serious issue because I had never been stuck by a yellow jacket or bee. Alone in a new city........ He wasn't taking my calls because we had argued about how selfish he was being. To this day, he talks about how much fun he had that weekend and I still get angry about it.
He came home to a perfect home and all of his chores were done. I have done everything ever since. So, when he asks me what can I do to help? Well, you are going down to the kitchen, bring down the plate.
My husband thinks that the plate issue is absolutely silly, however, it was just one of the many, many thoughtless things he did on this "vacation". Gross warning: My husband used the restroom in our room and made the room unpleasant. He thought everyone would want to eat dinner in the room after. There are public restrooms in the hotel that he should have used. He refuses to use the spray before you go.
I am the type who is very vocal when angry. My husband is more passive-aggressive. He will sing silly, nonsense songs which he knows makes me angry. No one likes to be mocked.
So, lately, the scorecard in my head is stacked pretty high. Since May, we have been swimming upstream paddling in opposite directions. My husband is who he is. I know the clinical self-interventions and the ones to apply to him. However, to create lasting change, one has to want to change. He doesn't want to change. he has no reason to. He wants the world to see him as charming and polite, the reality, he is not. He likes to have a much younger woman, but he doesn't put the effort in I deserve. Those are harsh words, however, the truth hurts. The reality is this is as good as it gets. By the way, my husband read this before I posted it. He smirked and said, "Feel better, now".
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